Big Daddy, Big Problem
by retroninjachick
Summary: Edward's life came crashing down as soon as his ex knocks on his door and announces she was prego in the ego. Now Edward has to take care of his "son". But what happens when that brown-eyed-beauty he now hates comes back to his life? AH full summary insid
1. The truth, the news, and the beginning

**Alright, so this is ANOTHER story I've been working on. I've got a few chapters, but I'm not sure I'll finish it. In fact I doubt I will. What, with all the updates I need to do for 'What Happens in Vegas' and 'Foundations' and 'Edward's Twilight Finale'. God I need to update more. Anywho, maybe this will make up for it, all I know is that it's fun to write for now. **

**_Summary:_ Edward Cullen's life crashed down as soon as his ex knocks on his door announcing she's ill, and was prego in the ego. Not only does Edward have to take care of this kid who's so called his 'son' but he also has some thorns to pick as soon as that brown-eyed-beauty-she-who-shall-not-be-named comes back into his life when he needs, but doesn't need her. Can he uncode this strange kid? And will him and "she" finally fix their problems and...maybe...fall in love.....again? **

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine**

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**Chapter one**

**The scientist by Coldplay: **"_Nobody said it was easy, It's such a shame for us to part, Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard, Oh take me back to the start"_

When I was young, my mother always told me that one day, I would have a moment in my life where I felt everything was collapsing. She warned me about this, telling me that in the end everything would turn out for the best.

Until today, I hadn't remembered her words. Of course why would I? I pretty much had the perfect life. I grew up with great parents, pursued a great career, and had great friends. The only time in my life when I had anything go wrong was with _her_ during high school. But that didn't matter. Besides _her_, I always ended and began relationships smoothly. Of course, I thought I ended all relationships great.

That's what I thought until two days ago. Rosalie Hale. Former ex-girlfriend. We broke up exactly five years ago when I was getting more serious with my career. I was twenty two at the time. I was starting to go to school full time and with everything I was juggling I couldn't afford a relationship. She was a great kisser, beautiful too. I remember her ecstatic blue eyes, her wavy blonde hair, and the porcelain skin. She was the second most beautiful woman I ever dated.

Up until two days ago I had almost forgotten who Rosalie Hale was. She had taken the break up well, keeping in mind that she was moving that month up to Los Angeles to continue her acting career. She always dreamt of going into the big time, into the big screen. She had a giant ego as well. She was selfish, but brutally honest, and I guess that's what attracted me to her. Plus she was twenty, and young, fresh, full of life.

I had never heard again from Rosalie Hale. Until two days ago.

My mother's words repeated in my head as I stared at the couple before me. When Rosalie had shown up in my apartment, I almost asked her who she was. But when she said my name, almost pleading, I realized exactly who she was. She had been much too thin, pale, her eyes dull, and her hair up in a messy bun. I had never seen her like this. She had always looked well groomed, and gorgeous.

She had began to cry, and I had let her in. She hadn't said anything for a whole hour. But when she did, her words had cut through my chest.

"Edward, you have….you have…you have a…a son." She had whispered. I had laughed.

"I'm serious Edward!" She had yelled with a hoarse voice, desperation lacing through her words.

"A son I haven't heard of Rosalie?" I asked with my eyebrow raised. She had explained then, and after an hour of me sitting frozen in place, she kissed my cheek, and left, saying she would be back in two days with the child and her boyfriend, to explain everything.

His name was Ethan E. Hale. The week before I had broken up with Rosalie we had gotten into a heated fight. There were screams, and spitting, and slapping from her part. I didn't talk to her after that, refusing to make amends with someone like her. She begged me, called me for days until she showed up in my apartment with nothing but a robe, and things got out of hand. I hadn't used protection.

She left, and found out when she had finally settled in LA. She hadn't called me. Too afraid. She had given up acting, and met her boyfriend Emmett. He had helped her with everything. Even Ethan. He was only five.

I didn't eat for two days. I didn't go to work, and I didn't sleep or talk either.

So here I sit, my mother's words in the tip of my tongue and Rosalie Hale, my son, and Emmett McCarty in front of me.

The kid looks like me. A lot.

He has my bronze locks, my green eyes, my lips, chin and jaw. It's a miniature version of myself. He has fluffy cheeks, and a full set of small teeth. He has Rosalie's porcelain skin, and you could see splashes of blue in his eyes.

There's no way to deny he's mine, and I could tell that Emmett certainly doesn't like it.

Emmett is big, and as I look him over quickly, there's something about him that I can't place my finger on but looks familiar. He has brown curly hair, with shades of mahogany, but it's mostly dark brown. You can only see the mahogany in the light when he gets in the right angle. He has a muscular face, but something about the skin color and the shape of his eyes are familiar. When I look into the hazel eyes, there's nothing. But when I look close enough, I can just make out the splashes of chocolate mixed in between. This means that his eyes are either brown or hazel, they'd never turn green. As I think of the chocolate my mind goes to flashbacks, of high school, to _those_ times, but I quickly shrug it off.

I decide that if I would have seen Emmett before I would have remembered because there is no way of missing those big muscles he carries and his great height of 6'7 just two inches taller than me.

"Um, Edward." Rosalie says in a weak voice. "This is Ethan." She says, caressing his locks of hair.

I have this urge to reach out and grab him, but he looks so content in his mother's lap, and I'm too scared to move.

I say nothing.

"He's just five." She says, the awkward air tense. She looks so weak. Rosalie has never been weak.

"Rosalie why are you telling me this now?" I finally ask. It was a question that had been repeating in my head. What does she want? Money? Clothes? A baby sitter? What?

"Edward…you're going to have to stay with Ethan." She sighs. That snaps me awake.

"What do you mean?" I ask panicking. Rosalie glances at Emmett, and he gives one nod before standing and putting his hand out to Ethan. Ethan looks at his hand before giving me another curious glance, and walking off. Rosalie shifts in her seat, taking a deep breath once the door is shut.

"Edward, I'm dying."

"Yeah, dying because you don't have child support? Rosalie you should have told me before, I would have helped you." I said, my temper getting to me.

"Edward, no. You don't get it. I'm dying." She said more urgently, her eyes pleading with me to understand. I didn't.

"What's that supposed to mean Rose?" I ask, aggravated.

"It means that I'm going to die Edward." She says sternly. "I was diagnosed with lung cancer two years ago. I'm not going to make it." She whispers.

My mother's words repeated in my head again. Everything was falling apart.

I didn't even know this kid, I hadn't heard from Rose in forever, and she just pops up and says, "Hey, I'm dying, take my kid?" And what about the child? Does he have cancer now too? I can't take him in.

"Why doesn't he stay with him?" I ask thoughtlessly. I knew it was rude, I knew it was cold, and I knew it was wrong of me to say. But I just couldn't come up with anything better. My heart would combust at any point.

"Edward you're the father. Are you telling me that you don't want him? He's your son!"

"A son I didn't know about Rose. God!" I threw my hands up to my hair and stood, rubbing my face. "How else do you want me to take this?" I yelled. She winced and cringed back into the couch.

"Edward, I know it's weird, I know it will take time, and I'm sorry." She said. "What was I supposed to do?" She whispered.

She looked so vulnerable, so unsure of herself, so upset. I shook my head.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do Rose? Now I have to sign papers? I have to take him into my home? I have a job Rose. I get night shifts all the time. Who's he going to stay with? Do I look like the type of person that will just leave him astray at home? Or with some foreign nanny?" She hadn't thought of these questions, I could tell by the way her eyes glazed over and her brows furrowed.

"Edward, I'm not going to make it. I'll be gone by next year-"

"You don't know that. Let me help you. Rose I'm a doctor for god's sakes-"

"Let me finish. I'll take him with me, but I want you to spend time with him, because as far as those papers are concerned, if he doesn't have any other relative to stay with he'll be put up for adoption. He deserves his father." She said sternly. "I'm not just going to bring him to you at last minute. I want you to get to know him better, to learn to love him. That's my main concern. It's hard for you to love people, and I understand that. That's why I wanted to give you time before I really have to go."

I shook my head. I didn't understand what she meant by not loving people, but I didn't ask.

"What about Emmett?" I asked. She smiled slightly, her flat eyes sparkling.

"He understands." She said softly.

She was in love. I could tell. And it pained me, not because of envy, no, but because poor Emmett had to watch her leave. He was probably attached to the kid too.

"Rose, you have to give me some time." I whispered. She nodded, hope filling her eyes. "I'd have to talk to the hospital about my hours, there'd have to be a schedule for dropping him off, I'd have to set up a room…" I trailed off, my anger rising with each new task I had to add to my list.

The worst part: I still couldn't believe it.

"Thank you Edward. I honestly didn't expect you to understand…" She said urgently.

"Oh I don't understand. I don't understand how you can just tell me now, I don't understand how this all happened, and I don't understand why you said it was hard for me to fall in love." I snapped, a bit of weight falling off my shoulders.

"Edward, I can't explain the first two because no matter how much I do, you'll never understand, but we both know you've never been in love. You never will be." She said with a sad smile.

"_But I have been in love." _I wanted to say. _"And it was the last time I would let myself be in love. I just ended up hurt." _

Instead I kept quiet.

"Thanks again." She said, getting up and gathering her purse. I nodded, frozen on the spot. What else was I supposed to do?

She kissed my cheek, gently, her breath lingering there, before she moved her hand from my chest, and walked away.

"Rose?" I called. I turned on my heel to look at her. She had her hand on the doorknob.

I was hesitating, not sure of what I wanted to say, or how to put it in an accurate sentence.

"Can you bring him over on Saturday? I would like to get to know him…" I said. She smiled softly, and nodded, before ducking her head and walking out the door.

I had collapsed on my bed that day, completely tired, and my lids fell over my eyes, but I couldn't seem to sleep. For the first time in what seemed like nine years, I wanted to cry.

-:-

"Hey, I didn't see you signed up for nightshift today." I felt a warm hand on my back, as it slid down and back up before it disappeared. I knew that voice. I smiled at her.

"Yeah, I can't toady. In fact I'm pretty sure I won't be staying in for weekends anymore." I said with a sheepish grin. In reality, I had talked to Carlisle, explained to him everything, and begged him not to tell mom. I hadn't gotten that deep into the situation yet, and I just wanted to set the foundations up first before I got into the details. So far, Rose was coming over today with Ethan around six. I told my father that I was planning on just taking Ethan in on weekends, and he understood, still dumbfounded by the fact that he was suddenly a grandfather.

I used to love nightshifts, but incase anything happened with Rose, I would need Ethan to sleep at my house, and nightshifts just wouldn't be an option now would they? My job entitled of a lot of injuries. A couple times I've had to deal with diseases but in all reality, as I was one of the youngest physicians other than Jessica, I had to stay away from that. I had learned to love treating injuries back in high school…..that and my father was in medicine, so it just stuck.

"Well, we'll miss you on weekends." Jessica said with a smile. I could see the disappointment in her eyes.

"Don't worry, you'll see me during the week remember?" I laughed. She shrugged.

"Why are you leaving though?" She asked, picking up some files from the desk. I didn't want to tell her. I couldn't. Her blonde curls bounced as her green eyes looked at me expectantly.

"I have some things to take care of." I said, hoping that she would drop it. She did.

"Alright Cullen, but don't just disappear." She warned jokingly. I chuckled, lightly, but it came out strained. My throat felt thick.

"I won't Stanley." I promised. Though the promise was empty. She smiled before walking off.

Jessica Stanley and I always had a flirtatious atmosphere, though I would never actually date her. I was much too busy in life for that. I looked at my watch. 5:30.

I grabbed my keys from my pocket, and went to the main desk down on the lobby. I signed out and made it to my car in no time.

As I threw my coat to the back of the seat, and clutched the steering wheel, I couldn't help but think about Ethan.

My mind started to wander as I thought of how to act, what to say, what to ask. I wondered if he would like me, accept me, if he would hate me. I wondered if he liked Mac & Cheese seeing as it is the only thing I could actually cook.

All these thoughts came to an abrupt stop when I realized I was already parking. The chilly air outside caused me to shiver, but I supposed it was actually nerves that got me shivering. Either way, I made it up to the lobby, up the elevator and into my apartment. I took a deep breath, fiddling with the keys, as I tried to get the door to open up.

I cursed under my breath when I dropped my keys, but after many attempts it opened up.

In my door way, the little boy stood. His head was cocked to the side, and he had his thumb in his mouth. His cheeks were pink and his eyes wide and alert. His hair was sticking in all directions and he was staring at me like if he was….analyzing me. I gulped, taking a deep breath.

I finally kneeled down in front of him. What was he doing here now? How did they get in? Where's Rosalie?

"Hey little man." I said with a smile, hoping not to scare him off. He stared at me a bit longer before taking his thumb out of his mouth.

"Hi." He said, then he put the thumb back in. His voice was like a bunch of little wind chimes. I chuckled nervously.

"You know that's a bad habit…you shouldn't be sucking on your thumb. You're a big boy now." I said, trying to get more comfortable. I glanced around. No signs of Rosalie.

"You look like me." He said suddenly. I stared at him. "Are you my daddy?" He asked. I felt my eyes get wide, and my heart skip faster. Where was Rose?

"Why would you say something like that?" I asked. He took his thumb out of his mouth and started pacing in front of me.

"You look like me, and mommy says Emmett isn't my daddy." He explained. Smart kid. I sighed.

"Where's your mother?"

"She fell asleep." He said walking off. I got up slowly, and closed the door, before following him.

Rosalie was cuddled up like a ball on the arm chair, her hair in her face and her head leaned back. I walked slowly up to her as I saw Ethan get on her lap, his fingers pulling away the strands. She moved under him, her blue eyes opening as she yawned.

"Hey." I said. She jumped with a screech, Ethan almost falling off. "Are you ok?" I asked. She nodded.

"I just didn't see you coming." She explained.

"Yeah, well, how'd you get in here?" I asked. She looked embarrassed.

"I well….I kind of used the key under the doormat." She said. I shook my head.

"How'd you know about that?"

"You're predictable Edward." She laughed.

"Mommy, I'm hungry." Ethan complained. Rosalie kissed his forehead.

"Do you have any crackers I can give him? I'll feed him when we get home." She explained. I almost asked her if she lived around the area, but instead I saved that bit of information for later and shook my head.

"Nonsense I'll cook you something, well the only thing I can cook-"

"Mac & Cheese is perfect Edward." She assured. Of course she'd remember my cooking skills.

"Um…let me just change." I said. She nodded.

As I walked to my bedroom I could feel a pair of eyes behind my back. I didn't have to be a genius to know it was Ethan's curious gaze.

Instead I just kept walking.

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**Reviews make me happy...and update. lol. Nah, just tell me what ya thought! This is just the beginning...way more to come. =D **


	2. Boy wonder, but what about Rose?

**Ok, so I'm very surprised with the response this got, and like I said, this is pretty fun to write and I might as well update SOMETHING. lol. So here's the next chapter because I felt the first chapter didn't leave you guys with much. I hope you can really like this story and give it a shot. =D**

**Thank you for reading.**

**Sorry if there are any mistakes. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine**

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**Chapter two**

**Save you by Simple Plan: **_"Take a breath I pull myself together, Just another step until I reach the door, You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you, Ooh Ooh, I wish that I could tell you something, Ooh Ooh, To take it all away"_

The little boy before me was certainly a wonder. He stared down at his perfectly sculpted Mac &Cheese. He had separated them to draw what he thought was a happy face on his bowl.

I couldn't help but stare at him. The way the tip of his tongue poked out in concentration, and the way his eyes would squint. I watched his fingers, delicately push every piece away, careful not to touch it too much. Every time his fingers would stay more than five seconds on a Macaroni he would sigh and place it on his napkin.

"Why does he do that?" I asked Rosalie after the fifth Macaroni he had put on the napkin. She giggled.

"He doesn't like to touch his food too much, he says it gets soggy." She explained. I said nothing. I just stared more at him. "Are you ready to eat that Pumpkin?" she asked. He sighed and nodded, finally using his spoon and sticking it in his mouth.

Over the next hour, we talked, and I found out a lot about Ethan. He liked drawing, though Rose says she sometimes doesn't know what he's drawing. He likes the Wiggles, but hates Barney, stating he was too big for Barney. His favorite color was green, but yesterday it was blue. He likes it when his mom reads to him at night, and he loves Pizza.

That's as far as we got until Rose said it was bed time. She grabbed his coat, and put it around him before putting her own coat on.

"Thanks again Edward." She said with a grateful smile.

"Don't worry about it." I said. After all it was me who had invited her. It was me who wanted to get to know Ethan.

"You really didn't have to do this." She said with a nervous look, glancing anywhere but me. I smiled.

"It's no problem...I just don't think the shock has worn off yet." I joked. She chuckled, biting her lip.

"Well, thanks." She said. She turned around, grabbing Ethan's hand, but before she left she turned to me again. "Does your family know?" She asked.

"No. They don't. Only my dad." I said. She bit her lip again. I could see her calculating. "I'm not ready to tell my mother just yet. But I'll have to tell Alice." I winced inwardly just thinking about my sister. She deserved to know as soon as possible considering all the times she had been there for me. Rosalie nodded before walking out the door.

That night I threw myself on the couch, ignoring the bed. There was a storm, and it got worse by the minute, but for some reason the roar of the thunder and blinding light of the lightening comforted me, and I fell asleep peacefully staring into the black living room.

-:-

"Hello?" her voice sounded the same as always. Like wind chimes, tinkling, almost as if she was on helium.

"Ali?" I asked.

"Edward?" She asked back. I could hear the shuffling in the background and the distinct voice of Jasper. "How are you?" She asked.

It had been at least over three months since I had last spoken to Alice. I felt bad about it because we had always been close, but after her honeymoon, I decided to let her settle into her new life.

"Ali...I need to talk to you."

"Ok...talk."

"In person." I said firmly. I hoped she would get the hint, and it took at least a minute of silence until she finally spoke again.

"Half an hour? I'll meet you at the Café near Walgreens." And with that she hung up.

-:-

I don't know what it was that had convinced me to tell Alice about Ethan, but I had somehow just come to the decision that she needed to know.

I sat down in the beanbags by the big window, sipping on my drink. The warm coffee flowed down my throat, clearing it up much better.

After staring around, and getting winked at by the counter girl who was probably ten years younger than me, I decided to call Alice.

Just as I was pulling out my cell phone someone kissed my cheek making me jump. I took a deep breath realizing it was just Alice.

"God Ali." I said. She laughed her tinkling laugh.

"Let me guess....tall Cappuccino." She guessed pointing at my cup. I grinned.

"How'd you know?"

"You're predictable." I had been told that a lot lately. "Alright, so what do you have to tell me?" She asked, putting her purse down, and settling in her seat.

"You don't want a drink?" I asked, getting suddenly nervous. She stared at me incredulously. I sighed. "Alright...so...I saw Rosalie the other day." I said. She gasped.

"Hale? Rosalie Hale?" She asked. I nodded. "What happened?"

"She came to my apartment." I said. "She was crying." I explained tracing the rim of my cup. I didn't want to meet her gaze. "Rosalie had something to tell me."

"For god's sake Edward, just tell me what it is. You're making me nervous." Alice demanded. I finally sighed and looked up. I didn't know how to put everything into words. So I went with the simplest form.

"I'm a dad." I said. Alice stared at me blankly.

"What?" She asked.

"I said, I'm a dad." I repeated. I didn't know what was going on inside her head, or what she was thinking, but just looking at her really got me worried. She blinked a couple times.

"You mean..."

"When Rosalie and I were going out, before we broke up...we slept together, it got out of control, and I didn't use any...protection...she left and found out she was pregnant. He's five years old Alice." I said. She shook her head, bringing her fingertips to her temples. She squeezed her eyes shut.

"Are you sure he's yours?" She asked. I snorted.

"Alice trust me when I say he's mine. He's an exact copy." I said sadly. She scrunched her mouth up, and glared at the floor.

"I can't believe this. She never told you anything?" She asked, furious.

"She just showed up with her new boyfriend and told me that I had a son. She told me that I would need to take care of him soon....she has cancer Ali." I said softly. Alice shook her head, the blood rushing to her face.

"So she just expects you to forgive her? To take care of this child when you don't know anything about him? I never liked her. I bet you she just wants money. She's worse thanthat girl from high school. She's worse than-" I leaned over quickly and put my hand over her mouth.

"Don't say her name." I said in a grave tone. Alice nodded and calmed down.

Alice knows that this isn't exactly Rosalie's fault, and she doesn't hate Rose, or _her_ for that matter. But she just can't stand to see her brother hurt, or anything happen to me.

"What are you going to do?" She asked. I shrugged, leaning back on my chair.

"So far, she says she'll be gone soon, and she just wanted me to know beforehand, she wanted me to get to know him in case I have to take care of him....He's my son Alice." I said. She nodded.

"I know." She whispered, placing her hand on mine. "Does mom know?" She asked. I shook my head.

"I don't want to tell her. Not me anyway, she'd be disappointed." I said looking away.

"You want me to tell her for you?" Alice asked softly.

Alice had always been the type of person to tell me that I had to pick up my own mess, and face it, so when she asked me this I felt my eyes go wide.

"No." I shook my head. "Can you just be there with me when I do tell her?" I asked. Alice nodded, with a small smile.

"I'll be there with you."

-:-

I like my sleep. I really do, and when I've finally been able to get some, it really bothers me when I get a call at two AM in the morning.

I flipped over and groaned, my arm reaching for the phone.

"Hello?" I asked into it, annoyed.

"Edward?" It was Emmett. I furrowed my brow, and sat up.

"Yes?"

"It's Rose."

-:-

"Why didn't you ever take Chemo?" I asked her. She looked completely wrinkled, and shrunk, small like a little caterpillar. She shook her head.

"I couldn't." She said with a hoarse voice. "I don't believe in that shit remember?" She asked.

"Babe," Emmett whimpered. She sighed, placing her hand on his face.

"I wanted to die with a set full of hair. Chemo would've been a pain in the ass, and just killed me anyway." She said. I shook my head. "Where's my baby?" She asked.

"He's outside." I said in a weak voice. She nodded.

"Can you stay with him?" She asked, pleading. I nodded, knowing it was the only thing I could do. I didn't know what was wrong with her, and to be honest I was sure if I solved 2 plus 2 at the moment, it would have equaled 5 to me.

What would happen to Ethan? Emmett? What did this mean? Why so soon?

"Hey buddy." I said, to Ethan. He had his back to me, his knees hugged to his chest. I sat down beside him on the chairs. I didn't know what to do.

"She's going to die isn't she?" He asked.

"I'm not sure..." I said. How do I explain all that's happening to a five year old? He finally looked up at me, and the sight broke my heart. His eyes were red and puffy, his nose and cheeks were pink, and he looked pale, and broken. I didn't want him to look like that.

Hesitantly, I placed my hand on his back, trying to soothe him. He was losing his mother, and being sent off to stay with a man he didn't know. A man who was supposed to be his father yet didn't know what the hell he was doing.

Ethan surprised me by leaning completely into my side, wrapping his arms around my waist, and burying his face into my ribs. I very carefully put my arms around him too, placing my cheek on the top of his head, and listened to him cry.

It was horrible to witness. His sobs were uncontrollable, and his back was shaking. I couldn't help but feel a tear or two in my eyes as well, but I didn't dare let them drop.

It was a couple minutes until he calmed down.

"Are you ok?" I asked. He shook his head. Of course he wouldn't be ok.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Edward?" I knew that voice. My mom. I let my head rise from Ethan's to meet my mother's gaze. She had tears in her eyes, Alice standing beside her, and Carlisle's arm wrapped around her shoulder. Her pace toward me grew faster, and Carlisle's arm soon dropped.

One second was all it took for my mother to come to a stop. One glance at the child in my arms and she stopped on her feet.

Her eyes met his, the impossible green eyes that she just so happened to have as well. The bronze hair that shone above his head, like it did on mine. The bone structure and over all features of the child that looked just like me. She gasped, and turned toward Alice who nodded.

"Edward?" Emmett's voice interrupted the moment. His head popped out of the door, and he had tears in his eyes. "Can she see Ethan?" Emmett asked. I nodded, Ethan standing to go inside to his mother.

"Esme, maybe you and Alice should go downstairs." Carlisle suggested. I was grateful, not wanting to deal with them at the moment. They nodded and walked away, my mother's frame shaking.

"I'm sorry." Carlisle said beside me. I shook my head. "We're trying as best as we could....James is in there and everything.....him and Victoria are trying their best.....I'm just...I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter." I said, glaring at the tiled floor. "Everything's...just a big mess." I said, rubbing my eyes with the palms of my hands. Carlisle rubbed my back.

"You can't get up without falling." He reminded me. I snorted.

"I'm not planning on getting up anytime soon." I said.

"Then you better get used to the ground." He said. I shook my head.

"She's going to die tonight isn't she?" I asked. He nodded sadly. I breathed out a huge air, and put my hands in my hair. "What am I going to do with Ethan?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I was ready to be a dad, or to take care of Ethan at all. I wasn't sure of anything.

"We'll help you get through it." Carlisle promised. I went back to glaring at the ground, and from the room behind us, we could hear the line. The dead line of a stopping heart. I could hear Ethan's panicked cries, and I could almost hear as Rosalie's heart went still, missing the last beat.

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**Reviews make me happy...and update. **

**lol. **

**Anywho, many of you have asked me about Bella...she's going to be here. TRUST ME. She is very important in this. **

**"Is Emmett Bella's brother?"---Well...no. He is not. But you're all very close! **

**Ok, this second chapter is very important, I'm sorry that Rose died, I'm just trying to keep this as realistic as possible...for now. **

**Meaning: Edward isn't the dream Edward like in Twilight. I love that version of Edward, but not in this story. Of course he's not a jerk, or player either. He's just like any other guy, still developing, and learning. Of course he's disconnected...but you'll find out why--(hint, hint, that's where Bella comes in ;P)--and he's controlive, and he's predictable...so he makes mistakes like all of us do. **

**Anyway, if you have anymore questions feel free to ask. **

**And REVIEW!!! **


	3. Nightmare on my avenue

**Alright, just a quick and short update so that I don't leave you all in the moon wondering about Bella and whatnot. It's very quick and late so sorry lol. **

**Hope you can enjoy, and once again, I apologize for any mistake. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

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**Chapter three**

-:-

**No giving up by Crossfade: **"So you found out today your life's not the same, Not quite as perfect as it, was yesterday but, When you were just getting in the groove, Now you're faced with something new, And I know it hurts and I know you feel torn, But you never gave up this easily before, So why do you choose today to give it all away."

To be honest, I didn't exactly have a plan. It took a month. Exactly a month to get everything signed, and Rosalie's will up. She had left everything to Ethan, though Ethan couldn't lay a finger on most of it until he was officially eighteen.

Ethan wasn't doing so well. In fact, I was just scared. The kid hadn't talked since the death, and I couldn't exactly say any different for myself. Emmett had disappeared and I was pretty sure I wouldn't hear of him again.

I sighed, trying to bandage the little girl's wrist correctly. Nothing major, just a fracture, yet I couldn't even wrap it correctly without messing up.

"Here, let me do it." Warm fingers curled around my own, as Jessica pulled my hand away. I snatched my arm back, causing a confused look on her face before she smiled at the little girl. "There you go honey. Just tell your mom to go to the front desk, and they'll give you all you need." Jessica said with a professional smile. The little girl nodded before hopping off, and running out.

"Thanks." I muttered. Jessica turned around to look at me.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked. I shook my head, not knowing what to say. I didn't exactly feel close enough to Jessica to actually let her in on all my flaws and mistakes in life. "I don't know what it is Edward, but please come back soon." She said softly, placing a hand on my elbow. I shrugged it off, and nodded before walking out.

I just couldn't deal with her at the moment. I couldn't deal with anyone.

-:-

Jasper Whitlock was one of my close friends since he had started dating Alice. He was quiet, gentle, and understanding. He never pried, and that's what I liked about him. He was all about listening, and giving when he needed to. Other than that, the man only had voice and eyes for my sister.

Jasper Whitlock was with us since high school, and Jasper Whitlock had been my new savior for the week.

Alice had been staying at my house, helping Ethan settle in. He really liked her, I could tell by the way he talked to her. He was comforted by the little pixie. I felt extremely thankful for having Alice, but in all reality, I was growing tired. Alice, unlike Jasper, loved to pry.

And it was a pain in the ass. A big pain in the ass.

Finally Jasper had been able to take her home, and finally here I sat at peace on the couch. I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths, and wishing for nothing more than sleep.

"Edward?" I opened my eyes searching the small voice, of the small child. He was standing in front of me, clutching to his pillow, his thumb in his mouth.

"Yes?" I asked. He hesitated before taking his thumb out of his mouth.

"Can I stay with you?" He asked. I nodded, patting the spot next to me.

It was awkward as I got the remote and turned the T.V on. He was three inches away from me, apparently not sure that he wanted to touch me.

"Um…what do you want to watch?" I asked. He shrugged, his thumb in his mouth again. I sighed, flipping through different channels.

We must have past at least thirty channels by the time he finally said, "Stop!" I stopped, my fingers pausing, and my eyes gluing to the T.V.

The Wiggles.

I shook my head. "Sorry kid, but I don't do The Wiggles." I said.

"But you just said-"

"It doesn't matter, I don't do The Wiggles." I said firmly.

"I want to watch the Wiggles." He said sternly, his thumb out of his mouth. I shook my head. I absolutely hated the Wiggles.

"No." I said more firmly.

"Yes."

"No. And that's final."

"You said I could!" He whined.

"Not technically."

"What?" He asked, cocking his head to the side. I sighed.

"It doesn't matter, I'm not watching a group of grown men dancing around singing stupid songs."

"Stupid isn't a nice word."

"The Wiggles isn't a nice show."

"I think you're stupid."

"I think you're going to bed if you complain one more time." I said. That shut him up.

But he didn't stop staring at me with those big green eyes. I shook my head.

"No Wiggles." I repeated. This time he pouted. I shook my head again. "No." There was no way. I was a grown man; I would not watch the Wiggles. No. Absolutely not.

Ten minutes later…

Damn green eyes, and freaking pout, and those stupid little fingers and freckles.

I couldn't help it. I caved. Not only did he crumble my will power to pieces, but the Wiggles were actually hypnotizing. Now I know what they give kids instead of crack. They just give them the Wiggles.

"Jump in the car And buckle up And we can ride the whole day long." Ethan sang along.

After three more songs, I couldn't take it, and I changed the channel.

"Hey!" He pouted.

"Off to bed." I said. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Why?" He asked. I pointed at my watch.

"It's nine o'clock and you have school tomorrow…right?" I asked unsure. He nodded weakly, stifling a yawn. I smiled as he rose from the couch and turned to face me. I tapped my fingers on my knee as I watched him. He finally bent down and gave me a quick hug.

"Night Edward." He said. He had gotten used to calling me that. It wasn't "daddy" or "dad" it was "Edward" or "Eddy."

"Um, night." I said, patting his back before he walked off to his new bedroom.

-:-

"You can't put the pepperoni there!" he screeched. I raised my eyebrow at him.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because! Don't!" He screamed. I rolled my eyes.

"Relax."

"No!"

"Stop screaming!"

"No! There's too much ketchup there!"

"It's tomato sauce, not ketchup."

"Stop!"

"You stop!"

"No!"

"Ugh! I can't-" Before I could finish my sentence the phone rang. I narrowed my eyes at Ethan, as he smiled smugly. "Don't touch anything." I said sternly, before walking off to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Is this Edward Cullen?" The voice asked. It was a man.

"Yes. It is." I said.

"It's Emmett McCarty." He said.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, um….can I help you?" I didn't know how else to answer. Why would Emmett be calling me?

"Yeah, well, I was wondering if I can go talk to you." He said. I didn't know what to say. If he wanted part of Rose's will, I would not give it to him. That was for Ethan, and Ethan only. Though the way he looked at Rosalie, I'm pretty sure he was actually in love with her.

"Sure…" I said.

"See you in fifteen minutes." Then the line went dead. I hung up the phone, still confused as to why Emmett would want to talk to me. I shook my head, making my way back into the kitchen.

There Ethan sat on the stool his fingers placing the pepperonis in the spots he wanted them in. Remind me never to make pizza with him again. I rubbed my eyes.

"I thought I told you not to touch anything." I sighed. He smiled and pointed to the pizza. He had done a happy face.

"See? He's a happy pizza." He said. I rolled my eyes.

"You shouldn't play with your food." I said.

"I'm not playing, I'm making art."

"You want to be an artist?"

"No. I want to make art." He said firmly. I rolled my eyes, placing the pizza in the oven to cook. I hope I wouldn't burn it. It was one of those pizzas where the instructions come on the box.

"That's what artist means. It's a person who does art." I explained.

"Oh. Ok then, yeah." He shrugged.

"You shouldn't be an artist. You should be something that makes money. Like a doctor, or a lawyer." I said. The kid was creative, that was sure enough, but being an artist would take him nowhere.

"I hate blood." He said, pointing out that 'Doctor' was completely out of the question. I sighed looking down at the kitchen counter.

"So does someone else I know." I hissed under my breath, blocking the memories. Ethan shrugged his little shoulders.

"Aren't you a doctor?" He asked. I nodded, cleaning off the cheese we had managed to spill. "Do you like it?" He asked.

"Sure. It's fun. You can help people." I said.

"People who are sick?" He asked. I smiled, leaning back against the counter.

"Yep."

"Well, I'm going to make art." He said stubbornly. Of course he'd be determined like Rosalie.

"For now, yes. In the future, you need to find a job with substance to build a better foundation." I said, shaking my head. He cocked his head to the side.

"What?" He asked.

I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. He was a five year old for god's sake; he didn't know what I was saying!

Just then, there was a knock on the door, and I turned my head. It was probably Emmett. I grabbed Ethan from under his arms and put him on the floor. He followed behind me, as I opened the door.

Emmett looked pale, black circles under his eyes, and his hair was a mess. He was a mess.

"Emmy!" Ethan yelled, hugging the huge man's legs. Emmett smiled softly, picking him up in his arms, and hugging him back, while balancing Ethan on his hip.

"How are you buddy?" He asked. Ethan smiled.

"I just made pizza!" He said happily. Emmett grinned, and put him back on the ground before turning to me.

"I thought you could only cook Mac and Cheese." He said as he shook my hand. I chuckled.

"Let's hope I can follow instructions too." I said. "So, what can I do for you?" I asked, leading him to the living room. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he took the seat on the couch.

"Well-"

"Eddie, the pizza's done!" Ethan called. I looked at Emmett apologetically, before running to the kitchen.

I did burn the pizza, but only the crust. Ethan made a face but left the crust, eating the rest happily. I offered to Emmett but he just asked for a water bottle. After I cleaned everything up, made sure Ethan was actually eating and not playing, and got two bottles of water, I sat down in front of Emmett.

"So," I said. He closed the cap of his bottle.

"Alright, here's the deal. I know that you're not going to be able to take care of Ethan all the time. You come home at six, is this correct?" Emmett asked, getting straight to business. I nodded.

"Yes." Truth be told, that had been a problem. Alice had been the one taking care of him for me this whole time.

"Well, look, I miss the kid, and I would love to take care of him for you." He said. "I could pick him up and take him to my cousin's house…that's where I'm staying."

To say I was shocked was an understatement. I knew he was close with Ethan, and I appreciated the help, but what was his motive?

"Um…why?" I finally blurted out. He sighed.

"I didn't do anything for Rose when she died….I want to help whichever way I can." He said, shame lacing his voice. I ran my hands through my hair, glancing back at the kitchen. Emmett knew Ethan, he loved him and Rosalie, and he was offering to take care of Ethan for me. Surely this would be great for Ethan too, I mean he wouldn't eat microwave dinner or Mac and Cheese anymore. I sighed.

"So, how is this going to work?" I asked. His eyes brightened at my words. "I just drop him off or something?" I asked. He shook his head.

"I'm staying at my cousin's house, and I'll just pick Ethan up from school for you, and I'll take care of him. I'll give you the address and everything." He said. I smiled, and reached my hand out towards him. He grabbed it firmly, shaking.

"Deal."

-:-

"So…I was thinking, would you like to come with me to the coffee shop down the block?" Jessica asked. I shook my head, signing out, Jessica hot on my heels.

"I can't." I said. She furrowed her brow, her pace meeting mine.

"Why not?" She asked. I had yet to tell her about Ethan, and with all honesty, I wasn't planning on it. It just wasn't any of her business. I liked Jessica, but not that much. I didn't want to explain myself, and I didn't need her to start spreading shit. If I wanted people to know I would yell it out in the middle of the hospital.

"I have stuff to take care of Jess." I said, hoping she would drop it. She sighed.

"Edward Cullen you're sure being difficult." She said. I ignored that and walked towards my car.

"Yeah, see you Monday." I called over my shoulder.

I felt Emmett's note, the one where he wrote his address, crumble in my pocket as I sat in the car.

Finding the place wasn't that hard. It brought some sort of relief to me when I realized the neighborhood wasn't bad. It wasn't extravagant, or full of rich people, but it was a peaceful, simple neighborhood. The sun was just beginning to hide beneath the horizon, and I was just glad I was right down the corner.

I drove more forward looking for the right numbers. I did.

The house was a light peach, the driveway brown, the plants pretty much dying, and you could see that it needed some work in the front yard, but other than that, it was very pleasant. It was decorated with a porch swing, and the door was a rusty brown, yet it matched even though the colors looked off with the pink flamingo. I knocked on the door twice, then three times. I was nervous, not wanting to impose on Emmett's cousin.

Finally the door swung open.

I've never been an incoherent idiot, unless something really big was going on. I have been wowed, and I have stuttered, this is true, but I've always been able to pick myself up, and say something accurate. The only moments I have never been able to do so where back in High school, and the reason for those incoherent moments was standing right before me.

And I couldn't fucking believe it.

The familiar chocolate eyes stared at me, wide and innocent, lashes forming shadows on her cheeks.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

This cannot be happening.

Isabella Marie Swan.

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**Alright my beautiful wonderful friends and readers, leave a review! Tell me what you thought. lol. Come on do I have to beg? hehe. Anyway, seriously, tell me what you thought, or if you had any questions I'm more than willing to answer. =D **

**Thanks for reading. **

**REVIEW!!!**


	4. The forum, bum, bum, bum

**Hey guys**, I know. Long time no talk. My **lack on updates** has been very frequent and for that I apologize. But anyway, I've been** thinking** because I've had **this idea in my head** for a long time, because I do **like to talk to people**, and it'd be awesome to** talk to you guys**.

Anyway, my **proposition** is this, how would you guys like if I **opened** up a **forum** just for **fun** so that **everyone** can talk? Just in all our **randomness**, and we can just have some **chats**, share some **Robert Pattinson pictures**…lmao. Anywho, I understand if you guys think it's **stupid** seeing as there are millions of other **forums** out there, but it would be cool if I could have a chance to talk to all of you in a way that's not through **PM's** or **author's notes**, and it will make me feel more **normal** and **less guilty** for not updating.

Some of you might be like, **"Wtf? Why do I care? Do whatever the hell you want."** But I thought it'd be cool so that we could all **get to know each** **other** and just have a nice conversation and if you have any **questions** it'd be easier for me to **answer**.

Of course you **don't have to**, but if you do want to then all you have to do is say so, you can **vote on my poll**, or you can say **yes** through **reviews**, or **PM's,** whatever.

I know this sounds kind of **stupid**, and it's ok if you say so or think in such a way, just **please** don't be mean about it neither because I do tend to get extremely **defensive**. Lol.

Anywho, yeah…..I just thought it'd be a **cool** idea to **talk to all of you**, though I understand if **none of you care**. =)

**Thanks again.**

**Love**, **_Retro. _**


	5. The times you hate and love the most

**So here is some Bella in this chapter. Obviously. There might be mistakes, and it might not be that great, but eh. Oh, um the forum is up on my profile. It's called, "So Retro, it's effing Epic" lol. Just look for it on top of my icon in my profile. **

**Start a topic, say hi, I don't really care as long as you guys can save me from oblivion and boredom. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. At all. All it's characters go to Stephenie Meyer, and any songs mentioned here go to their rightful owners. **

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**Chapter four**

**I miss you by Blink182**: _"Hello there, the angel from my nightmare, The shadow in the background of the morgue, The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley, We can live like Jack and Sally if we want, Where you can always find me, We'll have Halloween on Christmas, And in the night we'll wish this never ends, We'll wish this never ends"_

-:-

My heart rate was so fast it would explode, my palms were sweating, my eyes were blinking at an impossibly fast rate and my jaw was clenched, the hatred filling my eyes. She stared at me like I was mentally challenged.

Was she Emmett's cousin? Why was she here? Of all places on the fucking Earth! She was supposed to leave to Florida. Why the fuck is she still here? Why? What did I do to deserve this? What, is this like my month of surprises or something?

"Hi. You must be Ethan's father." She smiled. The damn smile.

Under the dark night I could barely see her, but I could see the outline of her, and that just pained me more. That meant she probably couldn't exactly see me, but my brain was on overload, and I couldn't help but feel outraged.

She didn't remember me! How can this fucking bitch not remember me?!

I stared at her, waiting, my eyes narrowing. I wanted to yell at her, but at the same time I just wanted to run away.

I couldn't move.

"Well, why don't you come in?" She asked. She moved so that she can open the door farther, revealing light from inside the house. The light hit my eyes, and I saw Ethan on a bar stool, eating what looked like fries. She probably cooked it. She was always a great cook. At the same second that Ethan and I looked at each other, a gasp came from her.

"Eddie!" Ethan giggled, hopping off the stool and running towards me. I tried to smile, despite my distaste. I patted his back as he hugged my legs, surprising me a bit. I didn't dare meet her gaze.

"Alright, well, thanks for taking care of Ethan. Tell Emmett I said hi. Bye." I said in a rush, without looking at her. Before I could take one more step, Emmett's voice filled the living room.

"Edward." He said. I glanced at him and smiled. "This is my cousin-" Before I could think about it, I cut him off.

"We've met." I said in a cold voice. Emmett furrowed his brow, looking between me and her.

"Edward Cullen?" She asked with panic, disbelief, excitement, sadness….who cares? There were a whole bunch of emotions. The important thing was that she _remembered_ me. Good. I didn't answer her though. Emmett just raised his eyebrow at her, and shifted from foot to foot.

"Oh….well then, um…." He trailed off, as the awkward silence overtook us. It was then that I realized what was so familiar about Emmett. Mahogany hair, brown eyes, pale skin, dimples……He was her cousin.

Ethan tugged on my hand.

"Eddie, Bella made me fries. They were good. They're not Mac and Cheese." He said with a smug smile. I flinched when he said her name.

"Great." I said, still cold.

"You still cook Mac and Cheese?" She asked. Her voice was hoarse and weak, and I couldn't help but smirk. She remembered that too. Well that's a surprise.

"Yes. Nothing has changed." I said, hoping she'd catch the double meaning. I still hadn't faced her. "Well, thanks for everything." I said, running out with Ethan in tow before any more words could be exchanged.

-:-

_Flashback:_

_Freshen year_

_"Hey." I said, staring at the back of the head of what I assumed was my new Biology partner. She turned suddenly, with a shy smile on her face. And her face. Oh boy. She was so pretty. Really cute, hot even. She had big brown eyes with long lashes, high cheek bones, and full lips but soft features all at once set on a heart shaped face with porcelain skin._

_"Hi." She breathed out._

_"I'm Edward." I said, extending my hand. She shook it, her hand soft against my own. She had a gentle smile, her cheeks turning a bit pink._

_"Nice to meet you."_

_I smiled as I stared at her profile once she faced the board. All I could think at that moment was, "damn this chick is fine."_

_End Flashback._

I was immature at the time. We were only sophomores, and I couldn't appreciate her beauty the way I'd learned to over the years. It was a memory I had stored away long ago. When I did go back to it though, it was as clear as day. I could remember her soft lips, her bright eyes echoing everything before her, and those curls of hair. I remembered it all, and now that I was much more mature, I could see it better than before, understand the curve of her smile, the smile in her eyes, the raised eyebrows as she examined me, the blush indicating embarrassment….

I shook my head, tucking Ethan in. I didn't want to go back to the old times, but I knew that I'd have to. After tonight, I would. The good times and the bad times.

_Flashback:_

_Freshmen year_

_"So Bella, how are you liking Forks?"I asked. It was an easy way to start conversation with the new girl. It had been a pathetic two weeks and I had yet to make actual conversation with her. She shrugged her tiny shoulders._

_"It's fine I guess." She said softly. I noticed that. She always speaks softly._

_"Nothing holds your interest?" I asked. I didn't know at the time that there was a double meaning to what I had said. One just being the typical inquiry, and the other being a suggestive and flirtatious sign, inviting her towards me. Basically asking her if she had gotten more than a friendly perceptive for me._

_But Bella caught note of that, and her eyes widened for a second before a smirk appeared on her face. Like I said, at the time I didn't understand, I didn't even notice her change in facial expression. But she was smarter than me….more ahead of the game._

_"Not at this particular time." She replied. I said, "cool" and turned my attention back to the teacher, though I didn't really want to._

_After the teacher distributed paperwork on the new project we were to work on, I turned in my seat to look at Bella._

_"So…"_

_"Yeah…."_

_I pursed my lips. Not how I wanted our conversation to go._

_"You're father is the chief right?" I asked. She looked at me for a moment, skeptical._

_"Do you really want to talk about my dad?" she asked. I chuckled, and looked down embarrassed because I did not in fact want to talk about that._

_"Not really."_

_"Yeah, I kinda figured." She laughed._

_"You came from Phoenix right?" I asked. She nodded. "Well, how was it? Why'd you come here?"_

_She then went on telling me about how it was mostly sunny, and a big place to live in, but that she was used to it, therefore liked it. She said she came here because her mother had remarried and a whole bunch of crap I had forgotten because I was too busy staring at her lips._

_"Wow." Was all I said in the end. The bell rung then, making us jump._

_"Yeah. See you tomorrow."_

_End Flashback._

I was naïve at the time, because I truly really didn't know what I had in front of me. All the stories she had been telling me were actually a fascinating part of her personality but after a while I realized that she had this thing about her….she'd go from flirty, witty and hot to shy, quiet, and blushing.

Of course our relationship started small but soon we became friends quickly, and before we knew it we were sitting in lunch together. and hanging out at the mall, and Alice loved her.

_Flashback_

_"Oh he's a ten!" Alice giggled. Bella chuckled as well, blushing as her eyes stayed glued to what I could only imagine to be yet another guy. I couldn't help but feel weird about it._

_"He has a cute downstairs…."_

_"Hmmm…but Mr. 4:00 had a nicer one." Disagreed Alice._

_"Yeah, but this one is soft on the eyes, but tan on the skin…great mix don't you think?"_

_"Yeah, and his downstairs is cute…."_

_"I know. Think he's a baseball player?" Bella asked excitedly, leaning forward. What the hell were they saying?_

_"Ohhh imagine his front door—"_

_"I have a feeling you guys are talking about that guy's ass." I interrupted, feeling a bit sick. Bella giggled and winked at Alice._

_"You'll never know." She said. I rolled my eyes, getting up from our current spot in the food court. We were currently in the mall, I don't know how I let them drag me all the way over here. I felt Bella's eyes as they followed my every move._

_"Want to come with me?" I asked, reaching my hand towards her. She smiled, nodding and took it. I didn't let it go as we walked around the mall._

_It was normal for me, I mean I always held hands with a girlfriend…but here was the confusing part. Was Bella my girlfriend?_

_It didn't matter at the moment because for whatever reason, she didn't mind holding my hand, and she practically tucked herself into my side, her cheeks red, and a small smile on her lips. I didn't get it at the time, like most things._

_"So, how's the Chief?" I asked. She rolled her eyes at me._

_"Fine."_

_"Just fine?"_

_"Yep."_

_"How fine?" I asked, just wanting to bug her some more._

_"Extremely fine." _

_"Extremely fine? Are you calling your dad hot Bella?" I asked. _

_"What? No."_

_"No? Are you sure? Cause that's what it sounded like. Bella has a crush on her daddy!" I teased._

_"Stop that."_

_"Stop what?"_

_"Edward." She groaned._

_"Edward what?"_

_"You're really getting on my nerves."_

_"Am I really?" I asked, completely amused._

_"Shut up."_

_"Am I getting under your skin Bella?" I teased, leaning down a bit. She scolded me._

_"Yes. So you better stop it." She said._

_"I don't think I will." I laughed. She rolled her eyes and took a half step away from me, but her hand stayed in mine._

_"Shut the hell up already. You're really aggravating." she snapped._

_I like the reaction I was getting from her. Most girls would get annoyed, but they would laugh and giggle….Bella…she didn't….she just….got feisty. And for some reason, I liked it. A lot._

_"But you like it." I said._

_"No. I don't." she said, giving me an icy look. I then decided to start pulling on her hair, and when she tugged away from me, moving her head out of my reach, I start tugging on the hem of her shirt. Again she tugged away from me, and I just laughed as I started poking her._

_"Stop Edward!" She yelled suddenly, stepping away from me completely, and yanking her hand away from mine. "God, you're so annoying!" she then stomped off leaving me confused._

_I was just joking with her, at least that's what was going through my mind at the time._

_For whatever reason, as I saw her running away from me, mad, and stubborn, I couldn't help but feel the need to run after her. I didn't like seeing her upset. I didn't like seeing her mad. I didn't want her mad at me. I didn't want anything to be wrong between us. It pained me so much. I hated seeing her walk off like that. And I wasn't sure why._

_"Bella?" I called after her, catching up. She ignored me. "Bella come on." I said, reaching for her hand and twisting her to face me. She didn't look at me. "Look, I'm sorry, I was just messing around with you." I said as softly as I could._

_"Yeah, well, I don't like it." She said. I chuckled, grabbing a piece of her hair and placing it behind her ear._

_"I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?" I asked, bending down to her eye level. She sighed, finally meeting my gaze._

_"Yes."_

_"Good. I don't like you being mad at me. Don't ever walk away from me like that again, you promise?"_

_"I promise." She whispered. I smiled, pressing my lips to her forehead._

_And with that, we linked our fingers and walked through the crowded mall._

_End flashback_

-:-

That day, I had asked her to be my girlfriend. Of course it sounds kiddy now, but back then that's just the way it was. She had accepted and we were happy.

I smiled, just thinking of those happy little cute moments…..

_Flashback:_

_Sophmore year_

_"Alright…it says here one teaspoon of vanilla…." I furrowed my brow as I looked over the recipe once more._

_"I got that already." Bella said. I glanced at her as she poured more buttermilk in the bowl. I smiled to myself. She looked so cute with flour on her hair and hands, even some on her nose…she smelled like vanilla too. Her hair was held up in a messy bun, and she was wearing one of my button down shirts because we didn't have an apron. She looked good enough to eat. Very adorable._

_"Alright, well did you get the beat sugar and chocolate?" I asked with my eyebrow raised. She nodded, licking at her thumb._

_"Yep."_

_"Ok then, mix it." I said, hopping on the counter, letting my legs swing. She started mixing, her forearm showing the little muscle she had as it flexed and unflexed with each movement and circular motion she made._

_Her tongue poked out with concentration as she tried to keep the same pace._

_I couldn't help but laugh._

_"What?" she asked glancing up at me._

_"Why did you put it in medium speed?" I asked with another laugh._

_"That's what it said there." She said confused. I shook my head, hopping off the counter and standing behind her. I pressed myself to her back, my arms coming around her as I held onto her hands, shooing them away to press the button up to high. Her breath hitched a bit as I leaned my head down, making sure my lips were at her ear._

_"It's better and faster on high." I said softly. She took a deep breath._

_"But….it's going to blow up like that." She said in a breathy voice. I smirked._

_Our relationship wasn't sexually active or anything…yet…I mean we were only sophmores, and Bella was….different….but she definitely had her little seductress moments…as did I._

_"No it won't." I disagreed. She huffed a bit._

_"Yes it will."_

_I ignored her and placed her hands back on the mixer, placing mine over hers and moving in a faster pace, together._

_It didn't explode._

_"Told you so." I whispered smugly._

_Then the mixer started to make weird noises, and it started vibrating under our hands uncontrollably and Bella pressed her back father into my chest, trying to let go of the mixer. I didn't let her though, I grabbed on, and my mouth formed into an 'O' as she started yelling at me that it was gonna blow._

_Then all the shit that was in that bowl landed on our faces, and clothes, and everything, and we let go quicker than you could say 'FUCK' and crouched to the floor, me covering Bella as the mixer went crazy vibrating quickly and spilling the bowl over, to which it landed on my head, until the mixer finally fell over the counter, unplugging itself in the process._

_We waited a couple seconds until we finally thought it was safe to look over at the damage._

_When I lifted my head, revealing Bella, her eyes met up to mine._

_And she laughed._

_And laughed._

_And laughed._

_"Oh yeah, laugh it up." I spat, removing the bowl from my head and shaking all the contents out. Some landed on Bella's cheek and she gasped. Now it was my turn to laugh._

_"Shut up!" she said, chuckling as she playfully punched my shoulder._

_"Who's laughing now?"_

_"The idiot."_

_"Shut up."_

_"This is a mess. I told you not to put it on high!" She said with a pout._

_"Well, I'm sorry! I thought it'd be better!"_

_"Edward can you for once just listen to someone else and not try to control everything?" she asked a bit exasperated. I smiled._

_"I'm sorry babe, I didn't think it'd explode." I said, pulling her over to me, and sitting her on my lap. She sighed and wrapped her arms around my neck._

_"It's fine."_

_I kissed her nose. "Thank you."_

_"You're welcome." She grinned. "Oh god, look at you." She laughed. "I could just eat you up…literally." She said as she placed a kiss on my batter-filled cheek and then licked her lips._

_"Oh lord help me."_

_And with that, I helped her remove the batter off her lips._

_End flashback._

Yeah, those were the times that I was on cloud nine for weeks. I loved every moment of being near her. And then there were the times when I wanted to just…break it all off….

_Flashback:_

_"So…maybe tomorrow night then?" Jen asked, her eyelashes fluttering. I bit my lip. She had this really nice tan, and long blonde hair, and boobs that were so big, I'd think they were fake. It was such a difference from Bella….because she was no Bella._

_I felt guilty just thinking of Jen that way when I had Bella waiting outside for me._

_"I'm sorry Jen, I have to go…and I don't think I'll be available at all this week." I said apologetically. She furrowed her brows._

_"Why not?" she asked, stepping closer to me. I bit my lip again and cleared my throat._

_"Because I'm kinda busy…" I said, but I could tell my voice had dropped down at least an octave. Oh shit. I had that "Fuck me" voice._

_"Really? Is that really why?" she asked, pressing herself against me. Crap._

_"Well…"_

_"No. It's because he has a girlfriend." An icy voice broke through us and Jen and I turned to see Bella standing right behind us. Her cheeks were red and her eyes narrowed, and her arms crossed. Jen took a step away from me._

_"Oh." She said._

_"Yeah. Oh." Bella spat. "Well…he had a girlfriend."_

_And with that she ran off._

_"Shit." I muttered under my breath, pressing my palms into my eyes. "Fuck!" I yelled turning to punch my locker._

_"Edward I had no clue but—"_

_I didn't let her finish, I walked off in search for my Bella._

_It took me a long time, but I did find her. She was outside, and I could barely make out her body through the rain._

_She was in this kid, Mike's arms, crying on his shoulder, as he rubbed her back. He whispered in her ear, and she just continued crying. I saw her hug him closer. I was shocked._

_I'd seen them hanging around before. That little slut. Then she went talking shit about me?_

_"Bella!" I yelled. She snapped her head up and sobbed as she hid back in Mike's shoulder. Mike glared at me, his little face scrunching up as his hair fell into his eyes. The rain poured on them, and I could feel it pouring down on me too._

_I stomped over to them, just as Bella whispered to him and he nodded getting up to leave. He put his hands on his hips, stared me up and down with a final glare before walking off._

_"What the hell was that?!" I yelled at her. She didn't flinch she just stood up._

_"What the hell are you talking about?!" she yelled back._

_"That! You with him! What the fuck?!" I shouted._

_"What the fuck is your problem Edward?! He helped me out when you were in there getting it on with some bimbo!"_

_Bella rarely curses. That's a bad sign._

_"I didn't even touch her!"_

_"She had her tits on you!"_

_"But I didn't touch them!"_

_"You used your sex voice! That's my favorite voice! You had that lazy crooked ass grin of yours on! That's my smile! And if you're going to give it all away to any bitch with blonde hair and a fucking boob job then tell me Edward!"_

_"Are you listening to yourself?! I'm a fucking guy! I'm going to get turned on! And if I wanted a fucking bimbo I would have dropped you a long time ago! We haven't even gone down on each other Bella and I'm still here! I'm still here for you! Because I care about you!" I yelled. "But you're here hugging on some guy—"_

_"Oh that's rich! You're a fucking hypocrite Edward! I'm a girl! I need comforting!"_

_"You were all over him!"_

_"Did it matter if I was?!"_

_"Are you fucking shitting me?! Yes it matters! He probably has a thing for you—"_

_"Mike is gay Edward!"_

_I stayed silent. Oh._

_"Yeah. I would never do something like that to you. But you wouldn't know that. Because you don't trust me yet I have to trust you?! How can I trust you when I turn and see you with some other girl Edward?! You tell me not to get flirty with boys, you barely let me talk to them, and I listen like a good little bitch! I don't even know why! I let you control everything, but I'm not going to stick around for your insecurities. We're in this together because we care about each other, but I'm not going to be your puppy. So don't tell me what to do anymore! And fix your damn pride before I do it myself!"_

_With that said she walked away._

_I walked after her, all soaked with my blurry vision._

_"Bella wait!" I yelled. "I'm sorry!"_

_"Leave me alone! Call me when you get your shit straight!"_

_"Bella wait!" I caught up to her and grabbed her by the wrist, bringing her into me and letting her hide her face in my chest as she cried._

_"I'm sorry." I whispered into her hair. "I need to fix my shit. I get that. But I know you can help me. I'm sorry for anything I've done wrong…I just…I don't want to lose you." I whispered._

_"Then stop fucking up." She said through her tears._

_I laughed._

_"I wish it could be that easy. But you have to stick through it with me if you really care for me." I said._

_"I will." She promised._

_"I do want you. Only you." I said softly, kissing her forehead._

_"Me too."_

_I kissed her then._

_Kissed her in the rain like all those cheesy movies._

_In that moment, I realized something. I might be in love…._

_End flashback._

We had moments like that all the time, and they were tiring, but they kept us alive. We really loved each other. A lot.

I sighed, running my hands through my hair as I got myself to bed.

I would dream of her tonight. And I would go through all possible costs to stay away from her tomorrow.

* * *

**Well there you have it. I'm really trying to put some Edward and Bella moments in there. All of the important ones of course, that could show how their relationship really does work. Anyway, remember to review! **

**Reviews make me happy and write faster! lol. **


	6. I hope you broke as much as I did

****

Okay, so I owe a million apologies for not being able to update! I'm so sorry! I haven't even finished beta-ing for Ringingbelle's (Go read her stories! They're amazing! She's on my profile!) but I've had a lot of things going on personally, and fanfiction just wasn't my escape this time, so I'm sorry guys, but some things writing just doesn't fix, and I had to learn that the hard way. lol. Anyway, this is my update, so please enjoy.

**Ok, another thing, for all of you whom have asked, I am planning on finishing 'Foundations' 'What happens in Vegas' and 'Edward's Twilight' I just don't have the time. I had time to finish this one because the draft was almost done and whatnot. But anywho, I do plan on finishing it, just not any time soon, I am sorry! lol. **

**Alright, so I dedicate this little chapter to Nikkipedia, (read her stories too!) because she's awesome and the fact that she finished her story BEFORE she posted it, really let me know that I have to update at some point too, and she's "impatiently waiting" lol.**

**Ok guys, enough of my rants. Enjoy. **

**OH! GO to the forum people! We're ranting about boys and how stupid they are and telling life stories and all this stuff! Come on! lol. **

**Disclaimer: I ain't own no Twilight stuff.**

**Many mistakes! You've been warned!**

* * *

**Chapter five**

**Stab my back by All American Rejects:**

_"Now were broken on the floor_

_She just wants me to share her_

_It hasn't been this way before_

_She just wants me to dare her_

_The phone rings and she screams,_

_"Stab My Back Its better when I bleed for you, walk on me it never was enough to do,"_

_I can't get past her,_

_Falling faster_

_It's true_

_It hasn't done a lot for you"_

* * *

_"You know what I want to do one day?" I asked, turning my head to glance at Bella. She turned to look at me too, the long grass tickling her cheek as she moved, her fingers twirling the freesia around._

_"What?"she asked softly._

_"I want to learn how to play guitar." I said with a smile. She smirked._

_"You already know how to play piano." She reminded me. "Beautifully by the way." She added softly, her hand reaching out to grab mine. I entwined my fingers with hers._

_"Yeah, but I want to learn how to play the guitar. My grandma used to play it all the time. I remember there was this tune....this lullaby...she used to play it to me...but I never figured out how she did it...I don't even remember the notes or chords...." I trailed off thinking of my grandmother suddenly._

_"Well, I wish I could teach you but quite frankly, I've never picked up a guitar in my life." She laughed._

_"I just wish I could hear that tune again." I sighed. She gave my hand an extra squeeze._

_"I'm sorry...." She whispered. "Hey!" she said suddenly, sitting up with excitement. I couldn't help but laugh. There was grass in her hair and everything._

_"Why don't you try to play it on piano! I'm sure it sounds just as good!" she exclaimed. I shook my head._

_"I don't know..."_

_And then she gave me a small pout and I couldn't deny her. I sighed and grabbed her hand again, pulling her down so that she could rest her head on my chest._

_"Sure." I said, kissing her hair._

_"And then you could play it for me." she said with another smile. I laughed._

_"Yeah...then I could play it for you."_

_End flashback._

"Hey Edward, it's Emmett....I know this is weird...but....I was calling because, well you left quickly last night, and I was wondering if you still wanted me to pick up Ethan...ummm...just call me and let me know...I miss the little guy."

"Hey Edward, I know this must get annoying...and it's weird for a guy to be calling you and all...but I was...I was wondering if you could just let me know about Ethan. Thanks."

"Ok, I know you must be busy, but I really need to know about Ethan."

"Dude, let me know. He gets out of school in half an hour so seriously.....let me know."

I sighed.

Four messages. When I met Emmett, I got the impression he was a man of little words. Then again he was in his girlfriend's ex's house, watching her tell him about her son with said Ex.

But if he had to leave me four messages, then he must really either a: want to see Ethan, or b: wants to know if he's wasting his time or not.

I had been contemplating this all last night after I woke up from yet another dream of the brown-eyed-witch.

That was wrong. She's not a witch.

I shook my head.

Either way, I had been thinking about it a lot, and I had decided to leave it for later. And after some hours of work and trying to dodge Jessica's attempts, I decided that maybe I should answer my phone. And then I heard all the voice messages Emmett left me.

So now here I am. It's almost three, and Ethan has no ride because I cannot leave, and even if I could, I doubt he'd like to be here and I don't want to have to explain why I have a little boy who just happens to look just like me.

So Emmett it was.

I let out a big breath, rubbing my temple as I dialed his number.

It only took three rings.

"Yes?"

"Hi Emmett...sorry, I just got your calls." I explained in a tired voice.

"It's alright..." he assured in a calm tone.

"Um...would you please pick Ethan up?" I asked, my hand behind my neck, gripping tightly, as I squinted my eyes, praying he would say yes.

"Of course, I'm on my way."

I furrowed my brows, releasing the death grip on my neck.

"What?"

"Well, I know you don't get off until six, and I decided that I would go pick him up either way, just in case you weren't there to do it. I was right, and now Ethan has a ride, and his favorite uncle!" Emmett said, and I could almost hear the smile in his voice, and it made _me_ smile.

It showed me he was getting better.

Good. He deserved to get better.

"Thank you." I said, and I meant it.

"No problem."

"Hey Emmett...is...is...sh-she...going to-"

He cut me off.

"No. She's not...she's got late hours today." He said. I breathed an air of relief, and I briefly wondered what Bella had started to work as. I shook that thought out as quick as it came in.

"Edward, I'm not going to ask you what the hell is up with you and my cousin, but just...don't put Ethan in the middle of it." He said.

"Don't worry, I don't plan on having any interaction with your cousin." I spat the last word, almost as if it was a bad bug on my mouth. Emmett sighed.

"I'll talk to you later when you come pick Ethan up." Emmett said. I said my own goodbyes and hung up.

"Hey!"

The voice nearly made me jump out of my skin. I turned around to see Jessica behind me with some folders in her hands. I tried to give her a small smile.

"You didn't go out for lunch today." She noted. I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly.

I hadn't gone to lunch in hopes of avoiding her. I liked Jessica and everything, but I honestly didn't feel like dealing with her today.

"Yeah...I just decided to hang around here today..." I said, hoping she'd drop it.

"Oh." She said. "I missed you..." she pouted.

I looked away, feeling even more awkward than before.

"Yeah...look Jessica, I got a scraped knee that needs bandaging, and I really, really, should be going. I have to get home early and all...." I said starting to walk off, turning my back to her.

"Is it someone else?" she asked suddenly, making me stop mid-step, my hand hanging around the doorknob. I took a deep breath. There were many possible answers to that question.

Yes, no, Ethan, Bella, you and I were never together.

You see? Many answers, but I chose to keep quiet.

"Is it?" she asked once more. I turned to face her, running my hand through my hair.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, really tired. She fidgeted with her hands, shifting from foot to foot, as her lashes fluttered quickly.

"Well...I mean....is it...." She stuttered. "Is it another girl?" she asked, her voice turning into a soft whisper. I sighed, rubbing my eyes.

"You know I don't know what you're talking about."

But I did.

"We used to flirt all the time, and we used to hang out...and now...I mean...you're always busy...you distanced yourself...I thought you liked me...but maybe...there's another girl now...I mean..." she trailed off, the sweat on her forehead suddenly visible.

I shook my head with a sigh.

"Look Jessica, I'm sorry if I ever gave you a wrong impression. I just have a lot going on right now, I don't want to have any sort of relationship...at all." I said the last two words sternly. She nodded, looking down at the floor. "I'll see you later...."

And with that I walked out.

-:-

_Flashback:_

_"So, I was thinking of an apartment instead of just staying in dorms. It will be less money for you and much easier to be together." I said, finally turning around to face her. _

_She continued bouncing the apple in her palms. _

_"Yeah, well baby, I was thinking about that." She said, not meeting my gaze. _

_"...And?" I urged her on. _

_"What if I didn't go to Dartmouth?" she asked. _

_I blinked twice, searching for any sign of humor, to tell me she was joking. _

_"Honey, you'll get in." I assured._

_"No, that's not what I mean. What I'm saying is, what if I don't want to go to Dartmouth?" she asked nervously. _

_I took a deep breath. _

_No. That's not acceptable. _

_"Look Bella, we agreed on Dartmouth-"_

_"No, we didn't. You agreed on Dartmouth." She contradicted. _

_"What are you trying to say?"_

_"What I'm trying to say is that I didn't get a choice. You just picked Dartmouth and assumed I'd follow you and want to go there too-"_

_"Dartmouth is a great school Bella. This is what I want."_

_"But what about what I want?" she challenged. _

_I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose, squeezing my eyes shut._

_"Do you want me or not?" _

_"God, of course I do Edward but why does it have to be you and Dartmouth or nothing? Why can't I have you and what I want-"_

_"You can't have it both ways Bella."_

_"But are you really giving me another way? Another choice?" she asked, searching through my eyes. _

_"You just can't have everything you want." I said, shaking my head. _

_"But you can?" she whispered. _

_"Bella I love you, and you love me. Dartmouth is great. We'll be together and it has everything any other school has." I said, hoping to convince her and shake her out of this stupidity. She sighed and looked away. _

_"Ok?" I whispered, placing my hands on her shoulders, and bending down to her eye level. She sighed, and bit into her apple before nodding. _

_I could have sworn everything would be fine then. _

_Could have. _

_End Flashback_

_-:-_

My hands tightened around the steering wheel. I prayed, and hoped that she wasn't there today.

I prayed deeply.

The lights were flashing before me as I sped down the street. My fists tightened against the wheel as I felt my heart speed up. Both with anticipation, and fear.

Fear that she was there, and anticipation hoping she would be.

I went down the same street I went through last time, and into the familiar neighborhood until I found the stupid house. I took a deep breath, debating on whether I should just leave the car on for quick escape.

After I looked around, noticing the driveway was empty, I decided it was safe to turn the car off; she wouldn't be there.

I got out of my car and dragged myself to the front door.

After three knocks it swung open revealing a grinning Ethan.

I couldn't help but give him a small smile.

"Eddie! Look what I made!" he said excitedly. He held up a picture with spaghetti strings mashed together to make a sunset. I smiled.

"Good job." I said softly, my eyes wandering quickly around. Emmett appeared suddenly behind Ethan.

"The kid is talented." He said.

"Yeah, let's just hope he doesn't stick with that profession." I said, tightening my lips into a purse. Ethan glanced up at Emmett.

"I'm gonna go get my crayons!" he said excitedly before running off. Emmett leaned back on the door, and crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes on me.

"You know, he's only five. If he wants to be an artist now let him. Hell, if he wants to be a dragon for the rest of his life, let him. I wish I could be a dragon."

"Ha-ha. Yeah, funny. That's what you're saying now, but I'm not going to say that when he's 35 and still living at home making art out of bacon." I said, rubbing my eyes.

"Edward, he's a kid for god sake's. You can't control his imagination. If you do now, he'll only hate you when he grows up. 'Sides, haven't you seen that commercial yet? 'Kids need art' Edward." He said with a grin.

I gave a weak chuckle, and looked down at the floor.

It was good to get a hint of the real Emmett. The Emmett before Rosalie's death.

"Just promise you'll lay off of him?" he asked.

I decided to just agree so that I could go back home.

"Sure."

"Alright, good."

Just then, behind me the noise of screeching car tires against pavement broke the silence. I turned my head just to look back, and in that moment I heard Emmett mutter, "Shit" under his breath.

Bella.

"Emmett! Emmett! Oh cousin dear! You're going to love me forever! Guess what! I-"

She was running out of her car, not looking up as she tripped and picked things up from the floor as they kept falling from her hands.

She had a colorful, hippie-styled messenger bag over her shoulder. Her white tank top had smears of paint on it, and her jeans were ripping from the bottom edges, her converse old, and dirty. Her hair was up in a messy pony tail, and her cheeks were flushed pink, her eyes filled with excitement.

And god, it hurt to look.

So I didn't.

I looked away instead. I glanced at Emmett who was watching me with apologetic and confused eyes.

"Oh." I heard her gasp from behind me.

I turned my head a fraction to the side just to take a small and quick glance at her.

She was just standing there, her jaw slack and her eyes wide as she stared at me.

I turned back to Emmett.

"Alright, can you get Ethan?" I asked as calm as I could.

I didn't want to look at her but I was so curious. And we all know curiosity killed the cat.

Emmett nodded and disappeared inside, and my heart started pounding real hard, but I didn't dare look back.

"Edward." She finally said, my name coming out in a breathy whisper. Like if she was _that_ shocked.

I ignored her.

"Alright, well, since you're not going to talk to me, I guess it's good to see you after like what? 10 years or something..." she said, her footsteps coming closer as she dangled her keys in her hands, her tone nervous but with a tint of frustration, and anxiety.

"Nine years actually." I corrected. I mentally kicked myself.

"Oh well thanks. What a big difference. One year off." She muttered sarcastically, passing by me. The hairs on my arms and back of my neck stood up.

"Yeah, well, at least I knew exactly how many years." I said, the annoyance and anger surfacing. Shit. I was gonna fight back. She didn't turn as she stayed her back to me, halfway through the open door.

"At least I'm trying to talk to you like a civilized person rather than a pretentious asshole." She said.

"At least I cared." I shot back.

"Well at least I moved on."

Ouch. That stung.

She sighed.

"Edward I'm so-"

"Forget it. Eat your apology. Tell Emmett to bring Ethan into the car. I can't stand being here another second. It smells like liar."

"I never lied to you!" she yelled suddenly, finally turning to look at me. I shrugged.

"Doesn't matter now does it?" I said with little importance. But it was very important. She took a deep breath.

"Look Edward, my first encounter with you after 9 years isn't going to be like this. I refuse it to be. But just so we're clear, choosing my life the way I wanted it, doesn't mean I lied to you. In anyway."

"You said we'd be together, that you'd never leave. That you'd stand by me. But you didn't." I snapped. "That's lying."

"Edward, I couldn't be under your shadow forever, like I was your freaking mother or something. When was_ I_ going to get support? When were _you_ going to stand by _me_?" She asked, pointing at her chest.

I didn't answer.

"That's what I thought. I'll tell Emmett to bring Ethan out."

And with that, she slammed the door.

-:-

_Flashback: _

_The lights and music were filling the air around my house. Even with all the patting hands on my back, the dancing bodies, free alcohol, and enthusiastic music, I couldn't find myself to have fun. _

_Perhaps it was the fact that I was tired, or maybe it was that I didn't even want the celebration party in the first place....or maybe it was the fact that Bella was missing. Maybe it was that through the musky scent of sweat, fog, cheap perfumes, smoke, food, and alcohol, there was an aroma of danger...sadness...the end. _

_Maybe I felt it was the end because I had been accepted to Dartmouth, and now my life in Forks was officially over. _

_Or maybe it was because I knew that behind all these flashing lights, and bodies of people there was something bigger. And not in any sense of good fortune._

_At any rate I could have just been pissed that Bella wasn't here. _

_She was late. _

_Something unusual. _

_She was always at my side. _

_But lately I'd noticed this nervous look in her eyes, the distance she'd put between us, and the bubble she'd locked herself up in. _

_Maybe that's what made the knot in my stomach twist and turn. _

_"Come on Edward!" Alice was yelling in my ear. "Loosen up!" _

_Her wrist twisted as she twirled the cup of Bacardi in her hand. I glanced at her once before looking back at the door. _

_"I'm waiting for Bella." I said, my tone rough. Alice sighed, stumbling a bit. _

_"Whatever brother dear." _

_With that she walked away to god knows where. _

_I just stood there, waiting at the door entrance with my hands in my pockets. _

_People were walking by, rubbing my back, congratulating me for getting into Dartmouth._

_I ignored them._

_I ignored them because she wasn't here. _

_Because she was late. _

_Because she was never late. _

_Because she didn't even say, "congratulations." _

_Because she didn't care. _

_Then the door opened. _

_I saw a flash of pale white hand, a dirty pair of converse shuffled in followed by long legs covered in old sweat pants, and a big hoodie covering her beautiful body, her hair piled into a messy ponytail. That meant one thing. _

_She wasn't staying. _

_I started to panic. _

_And the panic mixed in with the anger I was already wearing. _

_And I felt myself begin to walk towards her. _

_"Where have you been?" I asked, my voice softer, weaker, more defeated than I'd intended it to be. _

_My arms instinctively reached out towards her, to hug her besides my previous intentions. _

_She didn't hug me back. _

_Her arms stayed limp at her side as she fidgeted under my grasp. _

_My heart reached my throat as I took a step back, letting my own arms fall to my side. _

_"What's wrong?" I asked, hysteria reaching my tone. She shifted from foot to foot and looked around. _

_"Can we talk in private?" she asked suddenly. _

_I nodded my head, not really sure what I was getting myself into. _

_We ducked all the high fives, as I walked forward and up the stairs with her trailing behind me, my mind clouded with possibilities. _

_Her father is sick. Her mom got in an accident. She lost her car. They broke into her house. She has a disease. Charlie died. She's pregnant. _

_I heard her sigh as we finally made it into my bedroom. I turned around, my stubby nails digging into the palm of my hand. _

_"Ok...you're scaring me." I finally said after a while. She wrapped her arms around herself, and looked down. Like she didn't want to touch anything. _

_And suddenly the room where she once fit so perfectly, didn't look so right anymore. It's like she didn't fit in it. _

_And that scared the crap out of me. _

_"Edward...I'm not going to Dartmouth." _

_I let out a breath. A breath of relief. It wasn't anything horrible. Nothing I couldn't manage. _

_I took a step forward and rested my hands on her shoulders. _

_She shrugged them off. _

_She must be really upset about it. _

_"It's ok baby, not everyone gets accepted. I'll work something out-" _

_"What? No. No. I got accepted."_

_"Then what's the problem-"_

_"I'm not going."_

_Anger bubbled up to my surface. _

_"What? Why not? This was our dream-"_

_"This was your dream." She said with such determination and fierceness, that I closed my eyes and looked away. _

_"Alright then, what are we going to do-"_

_"I'm going to a school on the other side of the country." She said. _

_My jaw tightened. Because she never told me that. She never even mentioned another school. Or did she?_

_Either way, anything was better than nothing. I could work something out._

_"Ok...well, which one, I'll come visit you. We get a bunch of days off. I got money. I'll visit you every weekend-"_

_"No you won't." _

_I felt my jaw drop. _

_"Why the hell not?!"_

_"Because you won't need to." She whispered. My eyebrows rose, and my expression showed complete shock._

_"What? Are you on crack? Of course I have to. I want to. You're my girlfriend!"_

_"There will be no reason for you to come."_

_"What the fuck are you talking about-"_

_"Edward...you'll be nothing to me by then..." _

_I understood then. _

_And all my worst nightmares came crashing at me._

_I couldn't believe this was happening. _

_I set my jaw. _

_Adrenaline washed through me. _

_"Get out." I said through gritted teeth. _

_"What-"_

_"Get the fuck out!" _

_"Edward-"_

_"Get. The. Fuck. Out." I yelled. _

_As I watched her walk out, I fell to the floor, pounding it with my fist._

_She had promised me forever. She promised she'd stay by my side. And god all my future was planned around her! And I missed her, and hurt for her. _

_And I hated her for it. _

_I was confused as to what I'd done wrong, as to what I'd done wrong. Why this happened to us. To me. _

_I heard her words repeat over and over in my head, as the music drowned out my cries. _

_"You'll be nothing to me by then....."_

* * *

**Ya'll asked why they broke up. Well this shows how and when they broke up and why Edward hates her, but why Bella broke up with him...well we'll just have to read and find out. Well...I have to write of course. lol. **

**REVIEW! Reviews are better than margarita's and THAT means something coming from me! lol.**


	7. You can't be my dad if I say so

**So this is a quick update, and it's needed to show where Bella and Edward are in the relationship, and where Ethan and Edward are in the relationship. I swear it will turn out to be E/B. **

**Thank you all who reviewed and alerted and favorited! Really, I appreciate it! Let's keep it up! lmao. **

**Also, go to my profile and read and review RingingBelle's story! It's amazing and I beta for her so woo-hoo! She's a great author you guys. =) **

**Disclaimer: I ain't own no Twilight. **

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The page was full of colorful lines, and patterns. Some thin, some thick, and all are various colors. Within those colors, a dark blue outline of a smiley face was perfectly visible.

To many this would look like a mess on paper. A picture that was obviously drawn by a five year old boy.

But to that five year old boy the picture is a hope. A sign that everything is still ok through the mess and tangles we call life. A hope that there's still happiness.

But of course, I'm not that five year old boy, and although I understand that there's two different point of views, I stand by the many who'd think it was just another mess of paint thrown on a paper by another five year old boy with a wild imagination.

"What are you doing?" I asked, an amused smile on my lips. Ethan glanced up at me then looked back down, to the new picture he was currently coloring.

"Drawing...." He said, his head cocking to the side as his fingers pressed on the green crayon harder.

"Are you going to let me see what you're drawing?" I asked. He nodded.

"When I'm done." His arm wound around the area and he ducked his head so that he was blocking the drawing from view. I chuckled, and looked away, back at my newspaper.

"You know, later we should try learning the alphabet." I suggested.

I hadn't had a lot of time to teach it to him, or help him with homework. That was all Emmett's doing, and I wanted to see where Ethan was at in his education.

"I already know it." He said.

I glanced at him. "Really? When did you learn it?"

"My momma taught it to me."

"Oh."

I continued to look at the paper.

It was obviously a bit of a sore spot for him still. Though it amazed me how easily he got over it...

"Ok I'm done!" he said excitedly. I grinned and reached over to grab the paper in his hands. He smiled as I studied the drawing.

"Is...that..." I trailed off, my eyes scanning in fear at the drawing.

"That's my Bella!"

-:-

"Alright, I'm going to get you some antibiotics. In about 24 hours the conjunctivitis should be gone. You're eye will be irritated, and don't be scared if you still see that pus-like goop coming out. It's normal. Just wash your hands, and try not to touch your eyes no matter how irritated you get. You haven't used your contacts yet have you?"

The girl before me shook her head, her blue eyes framed by red, and swelled lids.

"Good. Don't use them until the conjunctivitis is completely gone. You'll want to avoid any possible way to get Pink Eye again. I'll have Haley in the front desk give you a prescription and then you can go to your nearest Walgreens. I suggest today. Get some rest, and you'll be fine. Ok?"

The girl nodded and stood and walked out the door with the yellow slip I gave to her.

I turned back around and threw away the napkins and Q-tips I had used after she insisted that the mucopurulent discharge was blurring her vision.

I sighed, rubbing my temples with my finger tips.

"Rough day?"

I turned around and was met with Jessica. I tried to give her a small smile. I hadn't really talked to her since the whole, "I never liked you" conversation.

"You could say that." I said.

"Hm. Conjunctivitis. Disgusting. I had to take care of a twisted ankle. Remember when _I _twisted my ankle?"

"Jessica-"

"Because I do." She said, stepping closer to me. "It was my first day here and I tripped over a chair. You were the one that bothered to come into the office and help me."

"I was passing down the hall and I heard you. It was a coincidence." I contradicted.

She ignored me.

"You carried me all the way over to the emergency room."

"It was right down the hall. And I didn't carry you. I held onto your waist while you hopped on one foot."

She took more steps toward me.

"You were so gentle and nice to me. Caressing my ankle."

"I'm a doctor! I was checking for any other damage, and I had to wrap you up gently! What did you want me to do? Push your already injured ankle around? I'm gentle with all my patients."

She stood in front of me, fresh tears filling the brims of her eyes as she placed her hands on my chest.

I grabbed her wrists in a motion to get her off of me.

"It was destiny Edward. You like me. You just don't know how to admit it."

"Are you psychotic?"

"You're in denial." She argued.

"You're delusional."

She then launched herself at me and smashed her lips to mine. In one quick motion I pushed her off, making her stagger backwards.

"Jessica. I don't see you like that." I spat.

She pressed her finger tips over her lips and looked down at the floor.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "So sorry." She breathed out.

I shook my head, wiping the back of my hand at my lips. "Jessica look-"

"I gotta go." And with that she turned away quickly and left the room.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.

Little did I know that Jessica was the least of my worries.

-:-

I checked my watch as I drove the car silently down the street. It was 6:20, hopefully _she_ wouldn't be there today.

I bit the inside of my cheek.

Alice still had no clue that Bella was here. I hadn't talked to my mother in over a month, and it seemed the only people I had any sort of social interactions were Emmett, Jessica, Bella, and Ethan.

Two of those weren't even friendly social relations, they involved more screaming than actual conversation.

Ever since Ethan came into my life, I've been stranded of any contact with anybody. That's not counting the patients I treat.

I sighed looking towards the peach house, turning my car off and closing the door behind me as I started walking up the driveway.

I took a deep breath before I knocked on the door. My knuckles scrapped the wood as I knocked harder than intended.

After a couple moments the door was opened, revealing none other than Bella.

She had a guitar in her hand, her hair up in a messy bun, a few strands falling on her eyes, and a long robe-like sweater around her body, untied showing a pair of skinny jeans smudged with paint, and a simple white tank top.

And god did I miss her at that moment.

But I kept my face straight as I watched the grin she had slowly disappear.

She cleared her throat.

"I'll get Ethan." With that she turned, leaving the door open as she disappeared inside. I let the breath I'd been holding in, out.

My body leaned towards the door as I stared ahead into the open living room. There were paintings hanging on the wall. All of them looked like paintings drawn by children. Amongst the wall of drawings, one stood out.

Ethan's.

I felt my nails dig into the palm of my hands. He was getting attached to her.

Could I really separate him from the only mother figure he had at the moment? Again?

I sighed.

I didn't want her to be a mother figure.

I shook my head, and let my eyes continue with their wandering around the room.

There was a couple guitars hanging from the far wall, and pictures of children and Bella together hung beside them.

Since when did she play guitar?

"Edward!" Ethan's voice suddenly interrupted my thoughts as he ran towards me, Bella carrying his backpack.

"Hey kiddo." I smiled down at him. He smiled back, glancing at Bella standing next to him.

"Bella taught me to play a guitar!" he said with excitement. I raised an eyebrow, but didn't look at her.

"Really?"

"Yeah! I want to show you!" he said bouncing up and down. "Come on Eddie!" he started tugging on my hand, trying to pull me inside.

I didn't want to go inside.

Not in her house.

Where she _moved on._

Bella shifted awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Um...you can come in if you want...I mean..." she started trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Edward! Come on, I want to show you!" Ethan kept tugging, and Bella moved to the side, leaving the door wide open, an invitation for me to walk inside.

I sighed, letting Ethan drag me in through the front door.

"If I don't make art when I grow up I want to make music!" he said excitedly.

"Great." I said sarcastically, giving Bella an icy stare. "Thanks, you just assured that his future revolves around artistic fantasies from the comfort of my couch."

She glared at me, shutting the door a bit too hard.

"I see you're still the same old controlling douche bag." She shot right back.

"I'd like to say that you're still the same as well, but unfortunately sweet, loving and intelligent Bella is gone." I snapped.

"I have you to blame." She said quite enough for only me to hear, her voice dark and cold.

Before I could respond, she turned around and left off into the hallway.

I sighed, looking around me as Ethan disappeared after her.

The walls were painted a dark burgundy, designs printed on them in intricate loops and patterns. They looked so detailed. The children's drawings were still taped and framed everywhere I turned.

Pictures of Bella, happy, smiling, experiencing life with friends, and places like the beach, and even some with her parents and Emmett and uncles and aunts, and more children hung around the room, filled shelves that were propped up expertly.

The couch was a light beige, and the furniture was mostly made of a dark chestnut wood, decorated with colorful decorations and vases, and flowers, and beads, and more pictures.

It hurt to see the photographs of her in college, a college away from me, a college that wasn't Dartmouth.

And it pained to see her smiling in every single one without me. Looking so happy and full of life.

And it made me feel bad that I couldn't make her feel that way in our last year of high school.

I sighed, looking away just in time to see Bella coming towards me, holding Ethan's hand, a guitar held tightly in the other.

He brought his own guitar too, a bit smaller than hers.

I smiled as he sat down on the couch opposite from me, next to Bella.

"You can sit down Edward, I swear my couch isn't bewitched or anything." She muttered.

I didn't say anything, I just sat down, my elbows resting on my knees as I leaned forward and interlaced my fingers together.

Ethan placed the big guitar on his lap, and Bella laughed as she put his fingers in the right place.

I was almost excited, a small portion of me wanting to know if she played well, and if this is what she had wanted to pursue.

And it was so surreal seeing her now, sitting a few feet away from her, like everything was normal...without me kissing her or holding her hand.

She smiled at him, and he grinned back up at her.

"Alright Ethan, let's show your Daddy what you learned." She said, picking at a few chords.

I froze at her words, so did Ethan.

Ethan stared at me, and then glanced down at his guitar, dropping his hands from their place.

"Come on Ethan." Bella said, glancing at him, only now noticing the glum look on his face.

I sighed, rubbing my eyes.

Crap.

There she goes, already fucking up everything.

Ethan never called me daddy, and now that I think about it, I had never verbally called him 'son' since Rosalie's death.

Fuck.

"Edward's not my daddy." Ethan said in a low voice. Bella raised an eyebrow.

"Of course he is munchkin."

"No." Ethan said, louder.

"Yes he is Ethan, Edward was with your mommy, and he's your daddy." Bella tried to explain in a sweet, soft and nurturing voice.

I shook my head, and sighed, already getting up from my seat to say something. Anything.

"No he's not! Emmett was with mommy! Edward's not my daddy!" Ethan shouted, dropping his guitar on the floor and hopping off the couch, running off towards the hallway and slamming a room door behind him.

"Ethan!" Bella called after him, shocked at his behavior.

I pulled at the ends of my hair.

"Thanks Bella, you fucked up...again." I said icily.

"What are you talking about? I didn't mean anything by it I just...I thought..." she looked so guilty, her eyes wide and brown.

I glared at her.

"Yeah. You thought."

"Edward I-"

I ignored her, and ran towards the room down the hall that Ethan had shut himself in.

"Ethan!" I said, knocking hard on the door. "Ethan open up."

"You're not my daddy!" He yelled.

"Ok, that's fine Ethan, let's just talk about this." I said, resting my forehead on the door.

He didn't open up.

And from down the hall, in the living room, I could hear Bella sniffling.

She had been crying.

And it was my fault.

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**Review and tell me what you think, and how you think they'r relationships are going. And talk about Psycho Jessica! How many of you thought she'd hit the tip of the ice berg at some point? *raises hand* lol.**


	8. The things that hit so fast at once

**So I guess, a huge apology is in order. It was just the end of the school year, and so much crap to do-believe it or not-so I had a lot of stuff going on, and I kinda forgot I had an FF acount. lol. That's a bit of an exageration, but anyhoo! I finally got to, and tried my best to perfect this, and give to you guys as much as I could in hopes that you can forgive me. It's ain't my best, but eh. I finished, it's here and hopefully you'll understand it, which you guys are extremely intellegent so you will. =)**

**Anyways, enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: Wow, first disclaimer in a long time. I own nothin' but the plot line. **

_**Mountain by Good Charlotte (because I have a good reason.)**_

_I wasn't on a mountain  
When it came to me _

_All my life's been wasted  
Chasing shallow dreams_

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It's really a wonder how one's feelings and opinion can change so drastically and quickly.

It's like one moment you are hating and irritated and bitter and then in a blink of an eye you're guilty, and remorseful .

Really, with all the thoughts passing through my head, my number one priority should have been Ethan. I should have been completely focused on him, but for one split second, just one little lapse in time, my mind was wandering to the crying woman in the room right down the hall.

I don't really have specific details on what happened after Ethan locked himself up.

I just remember pounding on the door, trying my hardest to keep all the shit coming up my throat, back down. I remember pushing as hard as I can, trying to somehow break the lock on the door or something.

But it was a useless attempt.

The steel lock wouldn't let me through.

After a while I just moved back and gave up, pressing my fingertips to the back of my neck.

"Shit." I muttered under my breath.

I leaned off the door in a swift move, walking in heavy steps towards the living room.

Bella had her head in her hands, her back moving up and down as she sighed.

What could I say to her now? How do I tell her Ethan is locked in her bedroom and I can't get in?

How do I tell her I'm sorry?

"Ethan won't come out."

Guess I'm not apologizing after all. Ethan is the best way to go.

"Um....let me talk to him." She sniffled wiping at the crystal beads of tears on her lashes.

I pursed my lips, rubbing my neck gently as she got up, wiping her face with her sleeves.

At that moment, I felt like we were eighteen again, and we had just gotten in a fight. And this is the part where I run after her and kiss her until we both talk and calm down, compromising.

I clicked my tongue as she passed by me, and by some sudden, swift instinct, I reached my hand out and caught her arm.

I want to say there was a tingling, burning sensation running through my fingertips, or some cheesy shit like that from a movie or something, but I'd be lying.

Instead my eyes widened and my stomach grew huge butterflies, and my brain yelled at me to let go, snap my hand back in utter repulse, but I didn't. Instead, I held on tighter, and bent my head slightly, making sure my lips were near her ear.

She didn't move, keeping her stance and her head down.

"Hey." I whispered. "Don't cry. It's not your fault. I'm....sorry."

And then I let her go, because I felt disgusted and angry with myself for apologizing at all.

But a small part of me, small but there and loud, was proud, and took some sort of weight off my shoulders. At the same time it was also guilty for being angry for not wanting to apologize in the first place.

But I ignored that small voice. Because it was the same voice that told me I was wrong, and that it was my fault Bella left, and that I was an asshole. And that voice rang in my ear every day since Bella walked out.

And I've ignored it. Every day.

-:-

"Just let him stay here for a day or two. Bella and I will talk to him." Emmett assured.

I gave him a wary look. I could trust Emmett, and I would if it was best for Ethan. But I guess, and as selfish as this sounds, my biggest reason for my hesitance was the envy that flared at the thought of Ethan getting even more attached to Emmet.

But Emmet looked dejected, and tired, and.....wrong. And I knew there had to be more to him than just this zombie state. And if that meant Ethan could help him and get help in return, then I would suck it up.

Though I still didn't feel steady with Ethan not wanting to see me, and wanting to stay here, I figured this was my last resort and hope for a solution to our previous problem.

"Alright....just call me when-"

"We got it." Bella interrupted as her arms wrapped around Emmett's waist. He took a glace back at her before placing his hands on hers.

If they weren't related, I'd be green with envy. And that bit of truth disgusted me.

"Okay, um...wait clothes....he doesn't have-"

I was cut off once more.

"I got everything Edward." Emmett assured. "You're free to call whenever you want, but for the love of god, try not to call after midnight." A small smile played at his lips.

I offered a short chuckle before finally waving at Emmett-ignoring Bella-and walking back to my car.

I heard the door close softly behind me.

-:-

You know, when Rosalie died, I thought that was that. I believed it was done. There was nothing more to it. She was gone.

Emmett went to the funeral, but I missed it, staying home with Ethan. I didn't think it would be right for him to go to such a thing.

The last image of his mother shouldn't be her dead and cold and unmoving.

That and the funeral was hosted back near her parents, miles upon miles away.

Up until now I hadn't remembered Rosalie's parents. Sylvia, the bitch from hell. Her and her stuck up nose, bathing in riches gained from her husband's family name.

At the time she had approved of me, counting the money I won and the amount already in my pockets. She believed I'd marry Rosalie. Bitch was wrong.

She should've known Rosalie was merely a fling. Anywho, news traveled fast once I broke apart from her daughter.

It was then Sylvia finally decided to take part in her daughter's life for once.

She hated me, saying karma was a funny thing. But I scoffed, I mean really. I'm gonna get run over by a bus because I broke up with someone.

It didn't matter, Rosalie had broken away from her mother since her Junior year of high school when she ran away and stayed with her aunt. She was legally eligible to live on her own when she hit 18.

She was gone then, not even depending on her parents' money or name. But her dreams were always big.

In the end though, Sylvia and her husband blew their money on a diamond mine deal about two years after Rosalie and I departed.

I know this because the memory of her drunken call, laughing at her mother's loss of riches was still fresh in my brain.

Sylvia and Lloyd lost everything, having to pay back debts by selling their beloved objects. Thus Rosalie really did depend on the job she decided to pursue every couple months.\

I'm guessing, filling in the blanks here, that she met Emmett after having to care for Ethan and with no money for herself and no checks from mommy and daddy, Rosalie couldn't pay for the surgery or treatment needed and that's where she came to me and the rest is history.

I hadn't even remembered Rosalie had parents to be honest with all the shit going on.

But I was quickly reminded once the freaking phone rang as soon as I walked in the door.

I should have known, I mean Sylvia Hale had impeccable timing.

"Hello?" My voice was tired as I dropped the keys on the counter.

"Well, isn't this a surprise. You picked up."

My eyes snapped up and my brows knit together.

I could practically feel the sweat prickling down my neck already.

"Who's this?" I asked.

"Oh now Edward, please tell me you haven't forgotten me already. Tsk, tsk. Well...you would've seen me earlier if you had brought my grandson to his own mother's funeral." Her voice was scolding.

I sighed, my fingertips reaching my eyes as I rubbed them.

"What do you want Sylvia?" I said.

To be honest I had many thoughts passing through my head. Like, how did she find me? Why is she calling? Is she coming any time soon? How has she been? Does it even matter? But I knew with Sylvia it was always something she wanted, or needed, or just another little game. Kind of like her daughter only her daughter matured and grew out of the old mind games. Her daughter was nurturing, and off the bat I could tell Ethan was her world. Sylvia's world was about bills, and George Washington's', and Abrahams', and such.

"My grandson. I've never seen him in my life besides the vague pictures my daughter sent me. I want to see if he got your family genes."

Dumb bitch.

I love how she talks about Rosalie as she's still alive…very peculiar. And what would she want with Ethan? How can she just be so casual?

"You know, for someone who just lost their daughter you sound perfectly fine. Why don't you tell me what you really want?" I said, pushing aside the bullshit.

"Don't you dare question my grief." She snapped fiercely.

"I assume you lack greatly in proper grief." I snapped back, tired. "At any rate, you're free to come see him. If your intentions are good of course. With you, you never know what mind games your playing."

Maybe it was wrong to say it. Maybe I should've just played along with her.

But fuck, I was a grown man, with problems, a long lost son, and my first and last love right around the corner playing strings on a guitar that might as well just be my heart. And it hurt, and irritated me that I knew that, that I knew no matter what, I would always love her, it would always be her, and I hated her for it.

If there was one thing I could take somewhat of a control on, it's this, and shit, I was gonna take it. For my sanity.

"Edward, just....let me see him. Please."

Well this was certainly a turn in heart. I sighed, clenching my jaw.

"You're free to come and see him Sylvia." I finally said. "Just.....come when you want to. But...don't play shit around. Whatever you're playing, don't play it with him."

"Great to know you think so little of your mother in law Edward." I could almost hear her smug smile.

That bugged the fuck out of me, and shit, maybe my next words were too harsh but, fuck it.

"Sorry to break it through your steal ass head, and pierce it through your cold heart, but your daughter is dead**.** She's not coming back. She's gone. I never wanted to marry Rosalie. My thoughts of marriage were broken as soon as the only love of my life walked out. And that was not your daughter. You're nothing to me. If you want to be a part of Ethan's life, fuck, I won't stop you. But don't bring your snobby little games and shit with you. And stop trying to fuck with our lives just cause you fucked up yours."

And I hung up the phone with a click.

-:-

"Emmett, what do you mean he's not there?" To a certain degree, I was still calm. I trusted Emmett with Ethan, and I trusted that he was safe.

But I'm not a careless being, so of course I freaked out.

"He's with Bella." Emmett said simply.

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Where?" I asked.

"He's with Bella at the 'Walk 'n' Roll' kid music center down 40th." He said.

"What the hell is he doing there?" I asked, bewildered.

"Bella works there giving guitar lessons. Ethan wanted to go with her." I could almost imagine him shrugging.

"When are you bringing him home?" I wondered.

"I'm not. You are."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Edward, you trust me, but your trust in Bella is highly lacking. And I'm pretty sure Ethan has nothing to do with it....but gaining her trust with Ethan is a start."

I stayed silent. What the hell was he going on about?

"It'll give you a peace of mind." He continued. "That being said, you have to see her with these kids. Trust me."

"What the he-"

"Plus you have to get used to seeing her. I'm trying to land a job at an auto shop, and sometimes I'll leave Ethan with Bella before you come pick him up. You'll have to see Bella. It's about time you man up and get over it."

I sighed into the phone.

"Emmett-"

"Man up dude. I've seen Bella suffering bad. And she's making an effort. Maybe you should too."

My brow furrowed. Suffer?

"What do you mean she suff-"

"Let her tell you herself."

"Are you going to let me finish any sentence?" I asked.

"Depends. What's your next one?"

I rubbed my temple, looking out toward the hospital entrance.

"Look, I'm gonna leave work early today to pick him up. What's the address?"

"Good choice of words. I'll text it to you."

"Alright then."

"And Edward, don't fuck up again."

-:-

Emmett's' words were still echoing in my head.

Me? Fuck up? Again?

I wasn't even the one that fucked up the first time. What shit is he talking about?

I shook my head finally reaching the center surrounded by mini shops.

I had been around here before on one of the rare times I actually decided to go shopping for specific needs and such. Never had I really paid any mind to the large building with colorful ornaments and a guitar painted on the side.

I knew Bella would never paint such a thing. Bella couldn't even draw a stick figure. The guitar was in various colors, leaving a trail of musical notes that splashed into a collage of dyes and shapes.

To be honest, it was quite the beautiful sight.

I ran a hand through my hair, nervous at the thought of walking in there.

How do I approach her? What if there's a front desk and I have to give a name? What if I have to wait for Ethan? What if he's not even there at all?

What if, what if, what if.

I decided to take Emmett's advice and for once, just man up. So I did.

I got out of the car and approached the building rather quickly.

My hand wrapped around the door handle and I swung the door open, the smell of crayons and bleach filling my nose.

There was a front desk. A girl, about my age or maybe two years younger, was scribbling something furiously on a piece of paper, before she flipped it over and placed it on a stack of manila folders.

I cleared my throat, unsure what to do.

"Oh, um, hello. My name is Angela, how can I help you?" she said with a professional smile.

I shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say. Do I just blurt Bella's name out?

"I'm looking for Bella Swan…" I muttered.

"Oh! Well, she's on shift right now so…"

"No, no." I said, stepping forward. "I was told to come see her. She has my…Ethan." I finished awkwardly.

"I thought you looked familiar." She said with a knowing grin. "Ethan looks just like you."

I offered a curt smile before gazing around.

"You can go in through the door down the hall on this left, she's in there finishing up a lesson." Angela assured. I gave her a small "thanks" before walking slowly to the door, cursing the heavens for making me walk in there.

The smell of bleach and crayons increased with a hint of vanilla and wood.

There were round grey tables everywhere, surrounded by colorful chairs. The walls were covered with art obviously drawn by the children, and guitars, and pictures. There were bulletins, tons of them, holding notes, and more pictures, and music paper.

There was a nap section, a small sink section with a door leading obviously to the bathroom. There was a block section, but most importantly a small drama section with a tiny little stage about three feet high, and ten feet wide.

The rest of the room was filled with more crap for the kids, and chairs against the walls where parents sat, staring and laughing at their children.

Bella sat in the middle, wearing a long beach-like dress, with spaghetti straps, the hem reaching her ankles, showing off brown sandals. The dress with splashed with summer colors like tye dye, like orange and blue.

Her hair was up into a messy bun on her head as she laughed with the children, grabbing a guitar pick, and mindlessly strumming the guitar strings as a child told her a story. The other children laughed along as well, either staring at the child, Bella, or just shifting impatiently in their seats.

And as I watched her, there was a tug in the corner of my mind, and suddenly, but slowly I started growing envious as a thought stretched through my brain. All this time Bella had been able to follow her dream and live, and she was happy with doing something as simple as making a child smile. While I pursued in what I had believed to be the "ideal" lifestyle, but in reality I might have just been lying to myself this whole time. And maybe if I would've gone with something else I'd be happier, I would've been happy with...Bella.

But as usual, being the normal prick I was, I let that thought leave as quickly as it came, refusing to notice all the flaws in the perfect bubble I've perfected throughout the years.

"Wow that's great Lucy." She said with a genuine smile, snapping me back from my thoughts. "And why do you think mommy liked your song so much?" she asked.

The child grinned. "Because she was proud and I practiced!" she said excitedly.

Bella smiled, her eyes brightening, as her hand suddenly stopped strumming and she high fived the little girl.

She then put her arm around a child next to her, and patted his hair, running her fingers through the bronze locks.

Ethan.

Right, the reason I came here.

I decided maybe if I called her name she'd turn her attention to me. It'd be the best way to get out of here quickly.

"Um, excuse me….Bella." her head turned towards my voice, and her smile faltered a bit. She stared back at Ethan, who also lifted his gaze to me.

Ethan wrapped his arms around Bella's waist, and tried to offer me a small smile.

I hoped that this was a sign of no resentment, and that everything was forgotten and forgiven.

I ran my hands through my hair, looking down at my shoes.

"Right um, kids, just stay put for a second, come on Ethan." She said, placing her guitar down and wrapping her hand around Ethan's.

I examined her as she walked towards me with Ethan in tow, almost as if it was meant to be that way. Of course, off the bat you could see she had a knack for children, so she probably would've looked the same with any child.

But I looked at her then, comparing the differences between when we were in high school to now.

Her bottom lip was fuller, and her cheek bones were more elegant and pronounced.

Of course Bella had always been pretty. Not out of this world pretty, or Victoria Secret material, but the girl was pretty darn beautiful at times.

Back then, she was shy, always covering herself up a bit, but she had a wonderful smile.

Now she looked older, wiser, but more free spirited, always covered in paint as I could clearly see why.

Ethan shyly held her hand as if his life depended on it, and as he reached towards me, I slowly got down to the floor, just leaning on my feet and ankles so that I was at eye level with him.

He kept his chin down but his gaze up at me.

"Go on Ethan," Bella whispered, encouraging him forward.

"Hey buddy." I said with a half smile.

Then, without letting Bella's hand go, he lunged forward at me, wrapping one arm around me tightly, surprising me off balance in his rushed, and awkward embrace.

I lightly patted his back, feeling so much weight fall off my shoulders.

"I'm sorry." He said softly.

Well, what do I say to that?

"S'okay. I'm sorry too." I whispered. He let me go then, staring at me with his chin higher.

"You ready to go home?" I asked, still unsure. He nodded, turning to look at Bella who had gotten down to the floor as well. She grinned at him, giving him a fierce hug, which he returned just as tight. His cheeks flushing pink, and I couldn't help but inwardly laugh at the irony.

Like father, like son.

My 'kid's' first crush was on my first love.

Great.

She let him go and patted his back.

"Alright, go get your stuff from your cubby." She said, as he nodded and ran off.

I raised my eyebrow as we both rose to our normal stance, off the floor.

"He has a cubby?" I asked.

"Yeah, we have some extra ones, and it's usually where the kids keep their things so…"

I thought myself for a moment, whether she expected him to come back…or if he would.

"So, this is where you work?" I asked.

You skipped Dartmouth for this?

"Well, I used to just volunteer you know? I love kids, and I had extra time on my hands, but I get paid good money for giving guitar lessons, and basically—"

"Basically Baby-sitting?" I filled in for her.

"Yeah…"

"Well, if you don't mind me asking, where do you really work?" I asked.

What'd you major in? How'd you learn to play guitar? Why?

She rolled her eyes. "I offer guitar lessons, and work at a guitar store right down the road."

"So that's what you're going to do with the rest of your life? I mean, you're going to be in the music department?" I asked, not trying to be rude, just genuinely curious.

I just….I needed to know.

"No, I went to an Art and Performance college for literature and a bit of musical history. I was interested in English, and writing. I've always been interested in that—"

True.

"—But they had some guitar classes, and I just…picked up on it, and…I liked it." She shrugged. "It gives great money, and sometimes they call me into this studio downtown and I give a few strums here and there, come up with a rhythm, and they use it. I get paid real well for that. Plus I love it. I love the kids. I love music."

I stared at her intently.

The wheels in my mind started turning, watching all the things that had changed flash right before my eyes.

So this is what she wanted to pursue then now huh?

"So what, you're going to be a rock star?" I said in a teasing manner with a laugh. Surprisingly, she laughed too.

"Nah, I'm working on trying to write a book. But…there's just…barely dedication to anything I write." She said. "I mean, I can't just slap a couple words and make them a story. It needs to be true, something I'm passionate about. It needs to make a difference…"

"Are you planning on writing the next 'To kill a mocking bird?'" I snorted.

She glared. "No. It's not like that."

"Not everything is going to make a difference." I said, hoping to knock some sense into her.

"It needs to make a difference to me." She finally declared.

"Fair enough."

Before she could give me a witty comeback to my acceptance, Ethan came bounding towards us, a few papers in his hands.

More drawings.

"Alright Ethan, ready to go?" I asked, suddenly dying to leave after the realization I had just had a conversation with Bella Swan.

But strangely, I wanted to continue it.

"Yes Eddie." He said with a smile. "Bye Bella!" he grinned, as she blew him a kiss, to which he blushed. Again.

I glanced at her, and we sort of gave each other an awkward sneer/smile, and Ethan ran past me as I opened the door.

I ran after him, glad to finally be out.

"Bye, see you soon Ethan." The front office girl said. I waved at her, and walked after Ethan.

_Yeah right, not if I can help it._

He seemed to be fine as he glanced up at me with an excited smile.

"I can't wait to come back again." He said.

And all I could do was rub my temple, because unfortunately, this center will be a weekly thing.

_

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_

**I am currently starting on writing my other chapters for other stories so hopefully there will be more updates. Review!**


	9. In repeated status you must live

_**So I wrote some notes at the bottom of this chapter, PLEASE READ IT! You might have questions, or you might be confuzzled, and I really have something to say. So please! PLEASE! READ THE NOTE WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THIS CHAPTER! IT IS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CHAPTER! lol. Alright-y then. Thank you. Love you all for reading and reviewing!!! **_

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, characters being used, or the song or any music by Eels. _**

* * *

_"Now you're really giving everything, And you're really getting all you gave, Now you're really living what, This life is all about" –Hey man now you're really living by the Eels. _

In life you are given certain chances. These chances can either be taken, or ignored. You are given the chance to fall in love, or walk alone. You are given the chance to be happy, or perform suicide. You are given the chance to be successful, or say "fuck everything. Fuck the world." With these chances, there are choices. And your choices affect your future.

I can't say that my choices haven't affected mine, or molded me into the person I am today. But even though I have been molded, or changed, or whatever the case may be, that doesn't exactly mean I have learned from it. And learning is a very crucial part of life. I have changed out of stubbornness, coldness, and, and just selfishness, but not in the aspects that I should have changed, and certainly not for the privilege of learning from my mistakes and being able to say, "Yes, I fucked up. I learned. I got up."

Now, I sit here and I stare at Ethan. One of my fuck ups that turned into a very important part of my life, my past, and my future.

He brought me many things. But I have yet to learn those things, or what good they are for.

And maybe that is being brutally honest.

And maybe I'm ranting on about nonsense that makes no sense at all.

And maybe I should just learn to live life and go through all of my experiences, and falls, and get up and just….learn.

Learn to love again.

Love in more the one way.

Learn to trust.

Learn to stop being such an ass.

But then again, I know I'll brush this off in a mere hour as just one of my vulnerable moments when I'm bitching about nothing like a little girl.

But I have to learn not to do that.

And yet again…I just have to learn.

And man do I have a lot to learn.

***

I made my way up to the peach house once more. I practically knew it by instinct. Sometimes, I would forget to go home first, or something might happen where I don't have to pick up Ethan at Bella's, and I would just go straight there.

It bugged me that I knew it by memory. I knew every curve, every bump on the road, every tree I passed. I noticed when she'd done some gardening, because I noticed the fresh plants, and I noticed when she'd just painted a chip on the wall. And I felt foolish for it. I felt stupid, because it was almost like I was being…obsessive, or something. And I didn't want to be. Not for something that I….hated.

Either way, I swallowed it all down and got out of my car, once parked, and walked to her doorstep. I knocked on the door, looking down at my shoes.

The door opened, and Bella gave me a quick, "Hello." And then disappeared to bring Ethan.

It was like a schedule. Almost rehearsed.

I wait, my arms crossed over my chest.

Ethan comes towards me, smiles, tells me what he's done today, and then I give a quick, "Goodbye." To Bella, she shuts the door, and me and Ethan climb into the car.

Ethan starts talking about how good his day way, he asks me if I did anything important to any patient. Like heart surgery. I smile, shake my head, and tell him I removed a couple casts and did a couple checkups. The story I usually tell him. I don't want to scar him with the gory details knowing how much he hates blood.

We get home, he does his homework, asks me for help in math, and then watches the Wiggles. I have it timed and everything.

Like a schedule.

Alice calls, we talk a bit.

I call my mom, I ask her how she's doing, and she asks to come see Ethan.

I tell her to come Saturday.

I cook some Mac 'n' Cheese as a quick snack for Ethan, and eat some salad left over in the fridge.

Ethan showers, I shower, he goes to bed, I tuck him in, and then go to bed myself.

And while I lay there, I think, "This is what my life is supposed to be like." And I smile, cause it's so much simpler now. And I can handle _this._

And I wake up.

To do it all over again.

***

I wake up, drive Ethan to school. The radio's off, because he knows I hate listening to it. Many times he tried in the past to put in a Barney-like song from one of his child CD's. But I always scolded him.

This is better.

This is quiet.

This is simple.

This is easy.

I take him to class, I get in my car.

I drive to the hospital.

I dodge Jessica, but she catches me, and gives me a small smile. Then she continues to do her own work.

And I'm content. Because this is simple. This is easy.

I fix a bloody nose, I handle a patient staying in due to a severe flu, I do all my usual runs, and then I see my father.

I say, "Hello." And he does too. He doesn't pry. He's asks about Ethan, I say he's good, and I smile.

Simple. Easy.

I get off work, and go straight to my car. I drive to Bella's, and when I look around the yard for any changes, there's none. I get out of my car, and by my third knock, the door is opened, and Ethan is ready. He has a smile, he tells me what he's done for the day.

He splash painted this time with Bella. Unlike yesterday when he made his own maracas.

I say Hello, and Goodbye, and then I go to the car. He asks me what I did today, I say I did the usual. He tells me his day was good, and then it's quiet.

Simple. Easy.

We get home, he does his homework. I help him in math, and then he watches the Wiggles while I talk to Alice on the phone.

I make Mac 'n' Cheese, and Ethan eats it while I eat an apple.

He showers, I shower, he goes to bed, I go to bed.

Simple. Easy.

***

It's been three weeks so far, and life has been simple. Easy.

I wake up, and take Ethan to school. While we're in the car I notice that he's ready. And I mean, _ready_. Perfectly on time.

He gets off the car at exactly 7:45. His book bag is in hand by 7:43.

Had it been like this these past two weeks? He doesn't talk at all in the car. And he doesn't smile or point out things while we drive. He gets off, says, "See you later." And goes straight into the school.

I drive to the hospital. Jessica doesn't even look my way or try to when she says "Hello."

The receptionist doesn't look up when she grabs my card from my open hand, swipes it, and gives me my files. She has it ready.

I do my routine of new broken bones, and new ill children, or parents.

Then I go see my father.

He's in his office already in his desk, doesn't even look up at me either.

"Hello Edward." He says, as if it was rehearsed.

"Hello."

"How was your day? Any trouble?" He asks.

I keep quiet as I suddenly realize something: he asked the same exact thing yesterday.

My father misses one of his words with his pen in a hesitant pause, and then he glances up at me with questioning eyes.

As if I had missed my cue, or line.

"It was good. No trouble."

He nods and continues to write whatever it is he's writing.

"Ethan?" he asks.

"Good."

"Great."

And then it's over. And I walk out confused, and scratching my head. Had we not done these past three weeks?

After an hour or so, I get out of work, I get in my car and I drive to Bella's house.

And suddenly I'm hoping, no, I'm _praying,_ that she's done something different. That of all people, _she _wouldn't fall into the rehearsed lines, and overused routines of everyone. That she did something new to the house, and that for once in this day, something new happened.

But when I get to the little peach house, everything is the same. Not a chip, not a blade of grass out of place. And when I look up, before I even get out of the car, Ethan is already walking towards me. There's no smile on his face, just the ghost of the grin he must have had while with Bella.

Bella's door waves at me, and I wave back.

Ethan gets in the car, dumps his bag, and says, "I made a face out of toast and jelly today. We played the drums." And then he turns in his seat and looks out the window.

And I can't do anything but drive back home.

Because everything is juts…over rehearsed. Over done.

We get home, he does his homework, asks me for help on a math problem, and I do the usual. I grab a piece of paper and pencil, explain and then the phone rings.

And I _know _it's Alice.

And it bothers me that I know it's Alice.

We have a small conversation, but it's flat and short.

My mom doesn't even call because that has also been a schedule. She comes here every Saturday.

I feel disconnected as Ethan goes and watches the Wiggles, but he doesn't laugh, or sing along anymore. He just…stares.

I cook Mac 'n' Cheese and Ethan eats it. He goes and takes a shower without me having to tell him.

Then I shower, and by the time I'm out he's already in bed. Asleep.

Ready to do it all over again.

***

I wake up, and I know everything that will happen before it happens.

And I hate it. I sigh, and run a hand through my hair, getting up to brush my teeth, and wake up Ethan. I take a quick shower, and by the time I'm out, Ethan is already up brushing his teeth.

And I feel guilty, and tired, and I want to explode. Because everything is the same. And life doesn't seem so simple anymore.

It's like I just lost everything. I'm living on autopilot. And I lose the grips of the sanity I once held. I lose the meaning of simplicity and life.

I had mistaken the two.

And I sigh, because I hate this. And I could feel it coming up my throat, and warming my skin up. And I could feel myself slowly losing it.

I walk into the kitchen, wearing the same old scrubs, and I see Ethan sitting on a stool, his book bag next to him.

As I stared into this little boys face, I realized I was slowly losing him as well. And that made me snap.

"Okay, what do you want for breakfast."

"Good and you—what?" I winced at his reaction. He was about to say, "Good and you?" like he had been saying these past couple of weeks. I decided right then and there that I was going to have everything different. It was going to be different, and new things were going to come today.

"What do you want to eat?" I asked, leaning forward on the counter. "Anything."

He blinked at me, staring at me like I'd lost my mind before finally grinning. "I want fish sticks!" he said loudly. I raised my eyebrow, about to protest before I bit my tongue.

I smiled and clapped my hands together. "Alright, let's see if we have fish sticks!" I said enthusiastically, feeling relief slowly.

Ethan giggled and hopped out of his seat before opening the freezer. I grabbed the frying pan and the necessary items, hoping I don't burn these either. Ethan takes out the frozen fish sticks, and starts pulling them out, placing them in the pan as I turn on the stove.

He laughs as I attempt to flip them without a fork, but it's impossible.

"You're not very good at this Eddie." He says with a small giggle. I roll my eyes.

But I smile. I hadn't heard that nick name in ages.

"Okay, I think they're done," I say, after I see them start to burn a bit. I turn the stove off and turn to Ethan.

Ethan grins and he jumps into a stool, waiting as I placed the fish sticks on his plate. He doesn't digs in, wincing, and pouting when he burns his fingers in the process of his greed.

I chuckle, and blow on his fingers, and watch him eat happily the fish sticks.

And I _know_ that today will be different.

***

As soon as I walk in, I slam my hands on the counter, and Lucy, the receptionist looks up at me, shocked.

"Hello Lucy." I say, grinning. She blinks at me, and I want to laugh because it's almost the same reaction Ethan gave me.

"Hi?" she says, but it comes out as a question. I smile, and we talk a bit. I ask her how she's doing and if her sister feels better after she got food poisoning. And she's surprised I remembered.

After we talk, she checks me in and I turn down the hall, happy with myself. Not content, but happy.

Jessica is walking down the hall, and reach my arm out to grab her by the waist as she passes by me. She looks at me surprised, but I smile.

"How are you?" I ask.

"Umm…good? You?"

"I'm pretty good." I say.

She cocks her head to the side as I release her. And I feel giddy, and happy, that life isn't on monotone anymore.

"Are you okay?" she asks. I cock my eyebrow.

"Why wouldn't I be? Did someone die?" I ask, teasing, but serious at the same time. With the state I was in I probably wouldn't have noticed if someone had died.

"No…you just seem…different."

"Happy." I corrected. She nodded with a small smile.

"Yeah, where have you been these past three weeks?" she asks, back into our old teasing mood. I laugh, throwing my head back.

"I was with my son." I say with a smile.

Her eyes grow wide and she stares at me in shock, because, well, I had never mentioned that I had a son.

"A son?"

I want to slap myself. Shit. I fucked up. But then I really think about it, and it's about time she knows. Right? I mean, it's been months, and she doesn't even know I have a son. And I said I would start fresh today, or something like that. Right?

I take a deep breath and stare at Jessica, plastering a smile on my face.

"Yes." And I leave it at that, and walk away.

So life isn't so simple. It isn't so easy.

***

Today wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I expected it, to be much, much worse after the whole, drop-the-"I-have-a-kid"-bomb-on-Jessica. She hadn't talked to me for about an hour, and I went to check on my father like I usually did. We talked about my hours, and about some cases, but mostly I wanted to see how he was doing. And I mean really _see_ how he was for once rather than just the simple, "I'm good and you?" lines.

He was a bit surprised like most, but he fell right into it with a happy smile, and that was good enough for me. After I stepped out, Jessica was there. We had stared at each other for a while until she finally spoke.

She had said, "I don't care if you have a son. It explains a lot of things. If you wanted to keep it from me, I get it. But, don't let that affect your friendships and life."

I had smiled, nodded, and all fell into place.

I'd be lying if everything was perfectly fine. She gave me a tight smile, and the atmosphere was still thick, she was still tense, and apparently, she had made it known to a few people I was indeed, a father.

She had asked me a couple questions, like, "Where's the mother?", "Where is he staying?", "Are you sure he's yours?" "Why don't you bring him over?" "How old is he?" "How long have you been keeping this from me?"

And of course, I got annoyed and offered as few answers as I possibly could.

But once I left my house nothing could have ruined my mood. I was giddy. Today was going to be different with Ethan.

And although this giddiness was odd behavior for me, I couldn't help it.

I kept a small smile on my lips as I felt the relief of something new, looking at the peach house come into view.

Although, there was something new with my life, there is nothing new about the house. I can't help but frown a little bit as I inspect the home. Still peach, still there. I jump out of my car before they can beat me to it and open the door. I knock quickly, and almost feel childish doing it. Like if it's a game to see who wins first. Who's faster.

Bella opened the door, staring at me with her brow arched.

I tried to smile as I felt the usual bile rise a bit in my throat. My stomach churn at the sight of her. And my eyes almost narrowing in their accusing state.

"I was going to bring Ethan out…" she said, almost questioning.

"I know, but I wanted to see…how…how you were doing." I said, noticing I stumbled a bit on my words.

"Oh, I'm good, I guess…you?" I could see her hesitancy and I couldn't blame her for it.

At least I was _trying_ not to be a dick.

"I'm good." I shrugged.

I could feel the giddiness wear out and the reality set in. And the reality was: I didn't like Bella. I didn't like being here.

Before the awkward silence could overtake us any longer, Ethan bounded into the doorway with a grin on his face.

I breathed out in relief, and Bella noticed.

"Eddie!" he said happily.

I reached down and picked up him under his arms, and he wrapped his legs around my waist, laughing.

"Ethan!" I said with his enthusiasm.

This was new.

"How was your day?" he asked, his eyes searching. I shrugged.

"It was fine. What'd you do today?" I asked.

"Bella gave me water colors and paper and we made art. I painted a lighthouse!" he said with a grin.

Usually, I would have glared at her, but I decided that I should just let him paint his lighthouse.

"That's great. Maybe you can show me later." I said. His eyes twinkled as he nodded.

"Eddie, can we eat something other than Mac 'n' Cheese today?" he asked suddenly.

I could feel Bella's stare on us, as I contemplated.

I decided I was sick of my Mac 'n' Cheese as well.

"Yes, yes we can. What do you want?" I asked.

"Can we get McDonalds?" he asked excitedly.

My nose instinctively scrunched at the thought of the greasy fast food. But I smiled and nodded. Then he asked me something that broke the whole giddy-mood thing I had going.

"Can Bella go with us?"

* * *

Please Review.

Note under, please read in case you do have any questions:

**So I've decided I'm really into this story, and I really, want to finish it ASAP. Let's hope I can keep up with the updates, and hopefully you guys can keep up with the reviews? Thank you all for reading and reviewing. **

**Now, let me explain the whole thing going on in this chapter just in case no one understands it. **

**Edward, is going through this whole routine, in which he thinks it's how life is supposed to be. And he realizes that's not how it's supposed to go. He starts realizing the mistakes he's making little by little in each chapter, therefore his relationship with Bella will increase, and heal eventually. He's starting to learn about himself, and he's definitely taking on the father role, and caring more for Ethan. **

**Does Edward love Bella or not?** He's _not _in love with Bella. She will _always_ be his first love, and though he's mentioned that he's in love with her in certain thoughts or conversations, these are rash and it doesn't necessarily mean he's in love with her. He loves her, he really, really, loves her. But he hasn't seen her nine years. He's not in love with her anymore. And this is a whole new Bella compared to the one he used to know. Bella moved on, and she's grown up. He hasn't. He will eventually end up with her, it doesn't take a genius to realize that.

**Where's Emmett?** Emmett is healing. Emmett is working. Emmett is with Ethan, but he's not a big part of Edward's life, therefore there is little mention of him.

**What is going on with the grandma?** The grandma acted like a bitch, but she really isn't all that bad. She's coming, don't worry. Just not now. She's still looking for the guts to do it.

**Jessica? Wtf?** Jessica. Sigh. Jessica is Jessica. Jessica has a crush on Edward and just found out he's a father. What more can I say?

**Alice? Esme? **Here's the thing with mentioning all these characters: It's pretty hard when you're trying to keep one focus. I try to mention them, but if I don't it's because they're not exactly Edward's priority at the moment. It's not like in my other fan fictions where they play a pretty big part, or they're the best buddies. This isn't like that, therefore they're not always there. Including Jasper.

**Why is Edward whipped by Bella and Ethan?** Errr….What? Edward isn't whipped by Bella. He doesn't even want to be near her. He _was_ one time in love with her deeply, and if that's what you mean by whipped than…okay? lol. And Edward is Ethan's father, he doesn't want Ethan to be mad at him, and although it's hard for Edward to call Ethan his, "Son" he loves him, and of course if Ethan pulls out the puppy dog eyes card, he's going to eventually fall for it. My father is like that with me and brothers….isn't that pretty much normal?

**Why is Bella so whiny and annoying?** What? Where? I really, don't find her annoying or whiny, at least not in this story. Bella barely talks at times, and when she does she's defending herself, or just having a normal, "I'm good and you?" conversation. In the flashbacks, obviously she's going to complain if Edward is pulling her hair and annoying her, I would have punched him. And of course if he's trying to control her and make her go to Dartmouth she's going to retaliate. In the Twilight Saga people were mad because she let Edward control her. Here, he didn't control her. That's why she broke it off. She defended herself. How are you going to complain about her being weak and then complain about her taking a stance? lol. What the hell? Maybe she should just stand there and not talk at all? Lmfao. She hasn't complained about anything yet. And how is she annoying? She barely talks right now! lol. She just lives a happy, simple life, doing what she loves to do, and if that's annoying….well then…maybe just sitting down is annoying? Lmao. =D

**So that's all I suppose when it comes to explaining. =) **


	10. A delicious little treat

So, I know you guys might **hate me**, and I really don't** have any excuse** except for the fact that I just haven't been writing lately—well not for **these **stories at least lol. But I hope you can** forgive me,** and so that I can** satisfy your hunger** just a bit, I have had the honor to be part of **The Countdown to Halloween (One Hallow-Horny Eve!) **from the amazing _**Breath-of-Twilight**_.

So many **more fantastic authors** are going to be part of it, and it's just amazing. So here's how it works: There is a new story _every day_, a **deliciously written—lemony—story by a different author**, until** October 31st, Halloween** in other words, where you will read our _**big collage**_ of the Cullen's Halloween.

It's a story _every single day_, so you won't get tired, and the author's are just amazing. FF writers like _**Jayeliwood,**_ _**KatieBelleCullen, anne kingsmill, Goo82, The Spoilt One, **_and many, many more, are in on our horny-hallow's eve.

So_ please, go ahead_ and read it, favorite it, anything your heart desires, and definitely review it, because we're all review-sluts lol. =) So yes, I am working on writing our next chapters, and hopefully by then I can give you _**the full details to why I have not been writing,**_ but that's another story and chapter to my life.

Anyhoo, I have a link on my page, and the story and lovely author are on my favorites, so you can go check it out.

In case any of you still love me as much as I love you and want to know which one's mine, it will be titled: _**AC/DC on Elm street.**_

Seriously guys, it's an amazing colab with **talented ladies**. :)

So much love,

Retro.


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